Not sure what to do

[pinkdaisy]

I have been married for 3.5 years and we have 3 boys aged 5, 2 and 4 months, we are just not getting on at all.
I am not sure where to start.
Today my DH said our relationship isn't really working, and I agree. I would never leave because of the boys though and I don't think he would either. I don't really feel like having sex with him as am completely knackered, plus watching him asleep on the sofa every night from 9pm whilst I run around like a maniac getting stuff ready for the next day, isn't exactly a turn on. I have told him this a number of times, but hasn't made any difference, he still down it. He says that our place isn't kept tidy enough during the week, I honestly am trying my best, and I thought I had been keeping tidy. I feel like this is more of a house share than a relationship. He just seems to criticise everything I do. I am on maternity leave at the moment, but am going back to work in July, I work part time, but have a Saturday job too, so I pull my weight. Our money is kept very separate (his choice, not mine, probably since he earns a lot more than me!) I feel like I can't ask him for anything or I have im getting a begging bowl out. I literally feel like throwing the towel in, but can't bear to for the sake of the kids. We have been together for 12 years. Not sure what to do.
Just needed to let it out as I have no-one to talk to.

To be honest you have your hands rather full with 3 young children, most peoples sex drive disappears when in your shoes imo. You feel more like a mum than a sexy attractive spouse. I was hideously grumpy when my two children (who are 17 months apart) were 4 months and 21 months. It's not an easy time on anyone's marriage, you're tired and stressed and then you can both end up sniping at each other. Can you have sometime out together such as dinner and have a good friend to babysit? That would help immensely.

How would he feel about some marriage counselling with Relate? As sometimes having someone impartial as you try and discuss what you're both struggling with and how to move forward can be a big help.

Well this isn't a marriage is it?

You do far more unpaid work than he does and he keeps you poor. He criticises your efforts and yet appears to do nothing himself.

Has he spoken about the efforts he will make to improve the relationship, as he was the one to bring up the fact that it's not working for him?