is anybody else secretly still in love with an ex?

[ThisIsNotMyLife]

I am.

I fantasise about him during sex and masterbation. I haven't seen him in years and he's now married.

I will never see him again.

Does anybody else feel like this? Do you see it as a problem? I would probably like to get over this but I don't think I can.

I still fancy an ex. I still like all the same things about him. I am not in love with (but never really got to that stage in the first place) and I would not fantase about him during sex with someone else.

If you knew you DP was fantasising about an ex while having sex with you would this hurt you? If yes then it is a problem for that reason.

I dream about my first love fairly frequently.

There is a study called the Hite Report. Your feelings aren't so unusual and sound harmless. I often think about other sexual partners besides DH, but I wouldn't really want to be with them.

Sorry, posted too soon. the Hite Report discusses women's experiences of sex and love, it helped me massively in recovering from a break up. It might be worth googling it.

No secret fantasising as I am single, but I do compare all to him. No one matches his perfection and how happy he made me...
:)

Hi OP

There is one I dated before my partner whom I left due to knowing he wasn't going to be any good for me, hence having to leave before that could happen. I do sometimes think about him due to the sexual chemistry being rather electric. I have no regrets whatsoever though and know I made the right decision.

I know this isn't answering what you're asking OP, but please tell us you're not still with that man and having sex with him?

I'd sanction you having real sex with a coachload of exes, never mind the fantasy of it with one of them, if it meant you'd get away from him!

No I'm not having sex with anyone at the moment.

I'm assuming you're talking about my previous thread about dumping someone?

Oh thank goodness OP! Yes, I think I saw a thread from you last weekend or thereabouts saying you were resolute about dumping someone and your name stuck. So pleased.

As you were then

No, don't think of exes at all in that way any more.

Nice of you to notice me.

Just doing a bit of reflecting and this particular thought occured and made me wonder if I'm a bit mad...

When I first read this I thought you were in a happy relationship but still sort of thought about an ex. Now it's taken on a different perspective knowing you haven't quite moved on yet.

It will happen OP.. If he was the last one you have slept with, it will still have that pull. Once you meet someone else, maybe a few more to boot, it will fade away.

I didn't read your other thread but am glad you got out. Good for you.

It's not my most recent ex I'm talking about. The one I can't forget is many years and two relationships ago.

I still fancied my ex when I got married. About 10 years on we had an affair, I got hurt (again), but I finally got over him and committed properly to my H. I wondered if I was a bit mad - still do !

Sorry OP... got it wrong again

I do think that maybe you are putting this person on a pedestal for whatever reason. An ex is an ex for a reason. Remind yourself of the crap that made it end and think about what is lacking in your recent choices.

What you're doing is a waste of energy. Close the door in order to move on.