WWYD in this situation

[MrsSleepy]

I started a new job a few weeks ago, After being a SAHM for 18 months.

We have a DD (9) and a DS (4)

Now, I am working 40-45 hours a week and DH is working 37 hours a week, He starts earlier and finishes earlier and I start later and finish late so we have the school runs covered and after school covered.

The problem I have is since going back my DH seems to have become paranoid, needy and jealous. I work in an environment that is largely dominated by men.
There is only myself and 2 other women in the whole building, To me this is not a problem, They respect me as I do them and there are no problems at all. My DH however has suddenly become REALLY needy as in if he texts me and I don't text back straight away he gets the hump and will keep texting till I reply (I do get really really busy and don't have time to go to the toilet let along check my phone)

When I get home at about 7.30pm he wants my full attention straight away and wants to sit right next to me want me to give him a cuddle as soon as I've walked through the door, I like to get in, Speak to the kids and see how their day has been and get them in bed and read them as story etc.

If I don't call him on my lunch he really gets the hump about it, Also if I get a text message he wants to know who it is straight away.

We never ever have had any problems before this, I don't know what's got in to him, He is a fab dad and does the dinner and the house is always tidy, I don't know if it's because he's doing the 'womans' work as my MIL pointed out.

I don't even know how to broach the subject at all with him, It is irritating me and stressing me out.

Well done if you got this far!!! Sorry it's long, Didn't want to drip feed!

Bugger should have posted in relationships, Sorry!

Just ask him? "why has my going back to work turned you so needy and clingy?"

I did he just said he doesn't know

Texting you all the time and wanting to know who's texting you don't really strike me as symptoms of someone who's unhappy doing housework! That's more someone who's feeling paranoid/insecure.

Perhaps you should tell him what you think it is.

Confront him with it.

Either you think that if I work with men I am going to be unfaithful, or you think that I am being unfaithful. Which is it? Because I don't believe you don't know why you are constantly texting me and wanting to know who is contacting me, or why you are so physically needy. Please don't insult my intelligence by pretending you don't know why you are doing this. If you won't be open about it, we don't have a chance of addressing it.

I know that sort of approach doesn't work for a lot of people and you may very well feel it's not right for you, but I do think that just coming right out with it, laying it on the table, can force people to deal with it instead of mumbling that they don't really know.

That's a good idea JustHecate, I think I'll go with that option.

It's so draining all the time, I feel guilty for going to work and enjoying it!

Laughing at your MIL and her reference to 'woman's work', did you invite her round to do it then?? I would have been sorely tempted. Although, more seriously, I don't think it's a good idea if you are discussing your DH and his neediness on your return to work with her.

My DH & I are not needy so the idea of texting each other through the work day seems bizarre although I know for many it's normal. However, if it's not normal for you two, why not ask him why he keeps texting.

When you get home I would have thought you want five minutes to yourself but maybe giving him a hug and five minute chat before you put the children to bed would reassure him a bit.

Do you think someone is stirring things re: the gender balance in your workplace - MIL or his male friends perhaps.

I didn't discuss it with her, She pulled me up and said it wasn't fair on him that I am back at work and he seemed to not be himself.

It was a joint decision for me to work and he's enjoying the extra money coming in!

He still goes out a few times a week so he's still having his social life.

Me and my MIL don't see eye to eye all that much but I do think maybe she's saying things to him, She thinks I should be at home and be a housewife, It just isn't me at all, I love my family dearly but I love my job too and I love being me not just Mum and wife.

I've never given him any reason to be jealous or insecure and I find myself not wanting to talk about my day incase that sets him off.

I'm going have a proper talk with him tonight and get it all out in the open, it's really getting me down.

Sorry, hope you didn't think I was criticising you, you don't need to justify yourself for wanting to work - why should you, I've never heard a dad do it? If MIL has a problem with you working, then that's her problem. Just a pity she may be causing problems between you and your husband. Hope you get it sorted out.