Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I dont even know why i am posting..

25 replies

rottygirl · 03/02/2012 09:22

Cos deep dowm i know the answer..

long story short, met a guy last year he is a workaholic(apparantly) fell for him pretty hard , he was lovely but very difficult to get hold of,anyway i let it go and carry on blissfully (and stupidly ) in love , but a few things niggled me things like not being able to get hold of him, not knowing his home address not knowing his home telephone number , he hardly ever called from his home allways from the car,
last year my car went wrong and he offered to pay half for a another one for me and i was to pay my half into his account which i duly did and the lady nehind the counter confirmed the account number and then said thats ok its he joint account for xxx , i confronted him about this and he said it was to do with his divorce settlement , i let it go but it was still in the back of my mind , anyway we went on holiday everything was fine , then jsut before christmas he told me he would speak to me christmas day as he was going to have a houseful , i was a bit pissed off to be honest , why would you not speak to you partner christmas day !! , then he saw me on the 27th dec and told me he wasnt going to see me new years eve as he was going to a party with his daughter !
last straw was last night when i asked about a party we were meant to be going to next saturday and reminded him that it was valentines day on the tuesday and he replied i cant do valentines day but should be able to do the saturday , this got me thinking and digging so i googled his name and found a article about him from 2007 thanking his wife etc (he was meant to be divorced in 2002) then i checked 192.com and paid £17 to get his details , i knew his address from a letter he had here from being the garantour on my flat and lo and behold he and his wofe are both registed with the electorol roll for 2012
he is married isnt he ...
I know i sound like a right idiot dont i
just to confirm what i already know how do i find out if he is still married ?

OP posts:
Original poster
rottygirl · 03/02/2012 09:25

sorry about the spelling , my head went faster than my hands ..

OP posts:
FetchezLaVache · 03/02/2012 09:27

As you say, you already know the answer to that one. What a scumbag, he clearly gets off on the deceit. I'm so sorry you've had to go through this. :(

inatrance · 03/02/2012 09:27

Yes he's married. And also a big liar, run OP, run for the hills and don't look back.

8rubberduckies · 03/02/2012 09:30

Another vote for married, sorry Sad

fizzfiend · 03/02/2012 09:37

well the signs are not good. Not having been to his place is especially weird...have you asked him why this is? If it wasn't an acrimonious divorce, it's possible that they decided to keep joint account to pay for kids, etc.

Most people would say run, but it's best to be 100% sure before making a rash decision. A friend of mine was separated but they lived at the same address for ages because they couldn't sell the house. But you should know all this by now if that is the case.

Christmas Day...not good at all, but some men are just not sentimental about dates and that would explain Val Day too.

He has been generous to you (car, guarantor on flat) so you must be more than just a fling or he wouldn't bother. But he knows you know his address..he doesn't appear to be hiding stuff.

You're not an idiot but you need to sit down with him and talk to him. How can you not have been to his place? Honestly, I have been very generous to him here...there are so many red flags.

Be brave, but be calm....good luck!

TooEasilyTempted · 03/02/2012 09:41

Yup he's married.

If you decide to confront him, be prepared for the lies... "We're not sleeping together, we live separate lives, we're only together till the kids leave home/for financial reasons".

Snapespeare · 03/02/2012 09:46

have you googled his wife?

Personally I would find out where he is going on valentines night (even to the lengths of watching his house and following whoever leaves) get dolled up and turn up at the restaraunt he is taking his wife to, then play dumb.

beckyboo232 · 03/02/2012 09:52

Talk to him. I admit it's not looking good but it is possible there's a explanation but you need to seriously talk with him . Take care if yourself

windsorTides · 03/02/2012 11:33

Yes he's married, but you've always known it. It just suited you not to admit to him or your own self that you knew it.

kodachrome · 03/02/2012 13:06

Absolutely he's married.

If it was something like he was separated from his wife and they were just living in the same place until they could sell it, there would be no reason for him not to have told you that. Why does he need to hide his living arrangements? You know why. Why does he need to be secretive about where he lives and difficult to contact? You know why.

Instead he has told you he's divorced when he isn't. He can't be with you on significant dates. He tells you things that don't add up.

You are the OW.

If you confront him and he claims that he and his wife are just sharing the family home until they can sell up, but he's really a free agent, ask to meet/speak to her to confirm. I guarantee he won't let you do that. And you know why.

Thumbwitch · 03/02/2012 13:09

He's married. And even if he's not completely married he's lied his arse off to you about the whole situation, so chuck him and run.

He is a horrible scumbag who has been using you as his mistress.

If you technically owe him money for the car, then, if you can afford it, give him the money and tell him to fuck off.

WineGoggles · 03/02/2012 13:31

TooEasilyTempted I agree with the excuse he could come out with. I have a tip to find out if a man who says "We're not sleeping together, we live separate lives, we're only together till the kids leave home/for financial reasons" and that is to say, ?I went and had a sexual health check up and they think I may have an infection, but they won?t know until the results come back in 10 days. It?s not a problem as it?s nothing serious, and besides, even if you have something you?re not sleeping with your wife eh?! Then watch his face, very closely, for that ?oh shit? look, LOL.

mojitomania · 03/02/2012 13:40

Yes OP of course he's married but think you've known this for a while huh and just not wanted to acknowlege it.

LiarsWife · 03/02/2012 13:46

How long has this taken you to figure out?? I had a similar experience years ago but it took about 2 weeks to realise he was a lying twunt and ditch him! Angry

What are you going to do now that you've admitted it to yourself though?

NoWayNoHow · 03/02/2012 13:46

He's married. Why else would a partner notwant to spend Christmas, NYE or Valentine's with you???

You can confrton him, but of course you're going to get all the excuses like others have said.

If he confirms that he is indeed married, it doesn't matter what old hogwash he comes out with, you need to run for the hills.

Married is married.

HedleyLamarr · 03/02/2012 14:22

I read the first two lines of your OP and thought 'married'. Sad

HereIGo · 03/02/2012 14:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AttillaTheMum · 03/02/2012 14:59

Def married.SadAngry what are you going to do?

lisaro · 03/02/2012 15:04

Did his generosity blind you to his marital status faults?

eandz · 03/02/2012 15:12

umm, to be honest sometimes it's just easy not to see it.

mumbaisapphire · 03/02/2012 15:26

Sounds very much like he is married. I'm not really sure though why you need to 'confirm' this fact? From the description you have given it hardly sounds like a great relationship to be in. You seem to be at his beck and call. Forget for a minute the dilemma over whether or not he is married or not - do you really want to be in a relationship (and I use the term loosely) where he appears to dictate the pace and your access to him?

Agree with other posters who say that trying to get him to come clean is likely to result in more lies - and what will you do then? Give him the benefit of the doubt? Nope - time for you to take control OP, end it, be vague about the reason why - because if you say it's because you think he is married/lying/you're not happy with the level of contact etc, it'll just give him the opportunity to deny or say he'll try better/make more time etc Be firm and end it. If he starts asking for money back for the car (which I doubt he will), then suggest you can pop around to his house and drop off a cheque.

Sapphirefling · 03/02/2012 15:37

He's married so you walk away from him. Fast. Before he starts spinning the bullshit.

izzyizin · 03/02/2012 16:34

Unfortunately, there isn't a divorce.com or legallyseparated.com to check the marital status of those who claim to be something they aren't.

Neverthless, it would appear to be patently obvious that you are engaging in an affair with a married man.

If you doubt this, I suggest you pack a picnic and use the vehicle he's forked out for to stakeout his home address.

Alternatively, call at his home c6.30am or pm on Valentine's Day clutching a big red paper heart and shout 'surprise' when the door opens...

AnyFucker · 03/02/2012 22:33

Yes, you are right

What now ?

will you listen to his bollocks about being married "in name only" ?

Or will you do the rtight thing and fuck him right off, never to be seen again ?

corlan · 03/02/2012 23:53

He's married.

He's one of these men that will lie and lie and lie again to get what they want.

He does not have any decency. He does not have any morals.

If you do not walk away now, he will keep taking you for a mug.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread