I have been so weak.........

[mcmooncup]

Name changer. Lurker extraordinaire on the relationships board.

I split with my DH last May after he attacked me for the 7th time, and after what I now realise was 15 years of abuse of all the usual verbal, financial, sexual (including rape which is not included in the 7 violent incidents) etc.

And 8 months on, I don't feel free. I have been too soft and I just want it to stop now. We have 2 DCs and I have tried to remain amicable at all costs to stop the DCs having to realise that their dad is not a nice man, but I think I have made a huge error.

So, he still has a key to my house, he has moved to a house a 5 minute walk away, he drives by my house and if I am not in he sends abusive text messages threatening to kill any male I might be with, he comes around unannounced, he goes through my things, opens my mail, withholds money for the children, refuses to leave when I ask him to, calls me a bitch, whore, slag, liar in front of the DCs.

And I know it is all my fault, I have been too soft, hoping he will change. He is clear that there is no chance of reconciliation but still he does not stop.

I emailed my solicitor today to finally file for divorce but I just still don't see how this will change his behaviour. But he is finally dragging me down.

I don't even know what I am asking, I just want it all to stop now

I'm so glad you've separated from him. That was the biggest hurdle.

Realistically, he will soon be involved with some other woman and will have less time, energy and inclination to keep all this up.

In your position I would want to be as far away as possible. Do you have family or friends in other parts of the country?

You really need to change the locks. He has absolutely no right to enter your house. Do any of your friends or their husbands know how to change a lock? I know I've seen very good advice on here about how to do it. In your position, I think you should get a restraining order out against him so that he risks arrest if he's near your house.

Best of luck.

Get as much evidence as you can together and get a non molestation order as well as filing for divorce.
They don't/won't/can't change. He will never be a nice reasonable person xx

you will get some brilliant advice on here. but while you are waiting, i will tell you what i would do:

i would change the locks.

i would also inform the police that you have received threatening texts and that he opens your mail- both are against the law. they may have a little word with him- which may be enough to stop his controlling behaviour.

i would also go through the csa channel for money for your dc(s) so that he is unable to wield that over you too.

and i would make concrete arrangements about contact, so that he cant just turn up whenever he wants. preferably supervised, if he cant refrain from using vulgar language in front of children. i think ss might help with that.

i would not be letting him step foot in that house ever again either.

he basically thinks he still owns you. i think he needs to see that he does not. i would do all these things at once too, not step by step. might as well really tug that power rug from under him.

Keep the threatening messages on your phone and tell him to leave you alone or you'll have him arrested. What a knob! Oh yes, and change the locks of course. I'm so angry for you.

It is absolutely not your fault at all. However there are a few glaring risks in what you ave written. Get thyself to a DV professional asap x x x

Agree with others; inform the police!

Best wishes!