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Relationships

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Original poster

How did you accept not having any more kids?

20 replies

chickenwings · 21/01/2006 22:27

I think I want another kid (already have two boys). DH is not keen to have another due to financial pressures although he says "technically" he would like one whenever asked. Another excuse is that it is not the right time (but it hasn't been for over a year now). I would not have a kid without his agreement, especially because I was quite depressed after birth of DS2.
Just wondered if anyone has been through something similar. Any advice? regrets?
Can't stop thinking about it and it is driving me mad.

OP posts:

starlover · 21/01/2006 22:30

are your financial pressures going to get any better?
if so, then why not say you'll leave it til then and think about it again?

what would happen if you did fall pregnant? would you definitely not be able to afford it?
I don't think there is ever a right time to have a baby, you can always find reasons why it's not quite right.

does your dh know exactly how you feel? how much you want another one?

Dior · 21/01/2006 22:32

Message withdrawn

Spidermama · 21/01/2006 22:37

I'd veiw your dh's statement about 'technically' as a green light, frankly. Exploit any chink in the armour. You know you want to.

Original poster

chickenwings · 21/01/2006 22:37

Our financial pressures are not that bad - but DH misses not being able to go out more and having to watch the pennies. If I got pregnant then I think DH would be delighted (I did get pregnant a while back and he was thrilled but then miscarried and he was devastated). That is why I am finding it so difficult - if he was really anti then I would respect that but he isn't totally.

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jamiesam · 21/01/2006 22:38

ooh, not particularly good advice here as I believe I sulked until I got my own way. Dh agreed that we could try for number three after I was depressed and miserable for a couple of months at his adamant 'I don't want any more babies'. He said I was more unhappy at no more babies than he would be at the idea of having a third (know he'd be fine when I actually gave birth, iyswim)

We also have some financial issues, but I could never get out of my head that in the years to come, I'd not be able to come to terms with not having another baby, for the sake of being a bit more careful with money. Dh just taken new job with better pay which will help, I'm terminally unrealistic about money I must confess.

But totally agree with not having another kid without dh agreement (although have fond memories of another MN explaining how she withheld sex until her dh agreed to another baby - oh to be so strong!!!)

Not clear why not the right time - seems to be different from money issue??

Spidermama · 21/01/2006 22:39

Like you I had a m/c after number three. The pg wasn't planned and yet DH had surprised me by being thrilled at the test being positive.

That provided me with a 'go' sign and now I have four kids and I think I'm finally happy to stop.

starlover · 21/01/2006 22:40

how old are your 2 boys?
i am having a similar issue atm. i have one little boy and really want another baby... dp would like more, but not now.
it's very hard when you don't have an absolute YES, let's go for it.

who is in charge of contraception? if you're on the pill tell him you're coming off of it and see what he says

Original poster

chickenwings · 21/01/2006 22:42

My boys are two and a half and almost four. I have just finished my monthly cycle of the pill and am due to start taking my next pack but am feeling rather reluctant!

OP posts:

Spidermama · 21/01/2006 22:43

You don't have to be on the pill. If he's so keen not to have any more then insist he's the one who has to think about contraception. It's only fair.

starlover · 21/01/2006 22:45

just don't take it. tell him. and don't take it.

if you fall pregnant then it's up to him!

jamiesam · 21/01/2006 22:45

Chickenwings, you have to have that conversation with dh again. It's not a threat thing, but he has to know that your heart is not in it when it comes to contraception. I would say you shouldn't risk getting pg accidentally, as neither of you would know if you'd failed to take the pill on purpose?

Original poster

chickenwings · 21/01/2006 22:46

Yes - I think I might! Feels a bit cruel though

OP posts:

starlover · 21/01/2006 22:47

just talk to him about it. make sure he knows how much you want another child.
then say that you're comning off the pill and that contraception is up to him

if he can't be arsed to provide it...

Spidermama · 21/01/2006 22:47

I think it's cruel for you to be taking a hormone altering pill when you don't personally seek its affects on your life.

Original poster

chickenwings · 21/01/2006 22:48

Thanks everyone - feel better now - will just have to find the right moment to bring up the subject...

OP posts:

nutcracker · 21/01/2006 22:49

If i were you, i would stop taking the pill. Tell dh you want a break from it, any reason will do, it's your body afterall.

Then give him more responsibility regarding contraception and i'm sure you'll soon be pregnant.

nooka · 22/01/2006 00:09

I think that nutcracker is right. Say you are coming off the pill because you want to, but don't use it as a "threat", just say that you want to have a hormone free period (which is a perfectly reasonable thing to do). Then have the discussion about alternatives. You may find that this is a better way to approach the baby thing (less all out, and allows for your dh to be spontaneous/risky in his decisions) but you also have to be prepared that he may be scrupulous in using a condom, and that you might get upset about that. Have to say I am not in any way speaking from experience as dd (baby2 was a complete and utter accident for both of us!) - although ds was the result of me saying that I was going to go onto a trial for the hormonal patch, and having to have a "what if I got pregnant" discussion, when much to my surprise he said he wanted a baby!

bobbybobbobbingalong · 22/01/2006 06:52

Dior I'm like you. I am totally happy in the decision, even though dh made it immediately after ds was born (probably before actually) and I only made it when he was about 2. I had a coil fitted when he was 2.5.

Auntymandy · 22/01/2006 07:01

I havent!!
I have 5 children and had a m/c last year. Now approaching March thinking about my baby that would be due now.
We decided not to have anymore,felt that was a warning

Original poster

chickenwings · 23/01/2006 20:19

Well, had the chat last night. DH definitely does not want any more kids now. Said that he may think differently in a while / if we have more money.

Oh well... at least I already have two wonderful boys ... will just have to treat myself

OP posts:

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