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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

friend's partner - EA? Depressed? Something else?

2 replies

RoryCeilingCat · 01/02/2012 23:01

My lovely friend broke up with her partner last year. As we're expats, she had to move to the UK du to visa requirements after the split.

A short whole after, a work acquaintance got in touch asking after her (he'd met he at a party we had) On learning she was single he set about wooing her, using me as an initial conduit. She was happy, he was charming. He flew her back here as a surprise for me early on (good friends, was missing her lots. Totally great). All blissfully good and so happy for her.

Now. Now she's back here (abroad) living with him, their relationships totally altered. He hates her friends. She's not allowed male friends or to wear makeup.Hel doesn't like her socialising. There's an unspoken list of rules she neither knows nor understands, but seems to break daily.

She knows this isn't okay and is talking about it, but he's convincing her his world view is correct.

I've recommended she read this board so if you're reading this lovelyfriend, Im being vague enough I hope.

is it possible a treatable psychological problem could cause him to behave like this? Or are these classic red flags she should be heeding? (I'm not covering everything to maintain some anonymity).

(please ignore mistakes due to iPad)

OP posts:
RoryCeilingCat · 01/02/2012 23:09

oh - I was using EA to stand for 'emotionally abusive' not 'emotional affair' - sorry or any confusion.

He's now threatening to break up with her unless she can justify why not. I'm striving to be unbiased...

OP posts:
Alambil · 01/02/2012 23:10

Personally, I think they're red flags; sudden change when she's now reliant on him for a visa, I guess?

"unspoken rules... she breaks daily...convincing her his world view is correct...."

The two main flags. I'll bet my bottom dollar there's a plethora of other things he does that she doesn't yet see for what they are

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