How would you fix this relationship? Or would you leave?

[SomebodySaveMe]

DP has been gradually distancing himself from me. He works 60+ hour weeks at the moment but when he's not at work he's generally at his mates. If he is here he's usually texting said mates constantly and is just weird with me.
There's no affection anymore, he only texts me when he wants something and I feel like our flat is just his hotel.
He moans at me if I ask my mum to have the DCs at an occasional weekend yet if they're here he's out anyway.
He gives me 10% of his wages towards food and bills. The rest I make up with tax credits and budgeting whilst his money goes on fuel to work, his car finance and whatever else he wants.

I got very jealous over his female friend- they text all the time, he calls her babe etc but I'm prepared to accept him saying there's nothing going on.
He can't stand me at the moment as I checked his emails and have accused him of cheating with this friend of his.
Things are horrible at the moment and I don't know how to fix them. I'm worried that trying to discuss how cast aside I feel will just send him running for the hills and I'm hopeless at talking face to face as I get flustered and forget what I'm saying.

I love him, I want to make this work but I dont know how to get back to us again. We used to be great. I don't know what's happened.

do you officially live together ?

What do your friends suggest you do?
OK, he sounds far from ideal and only giving 10% of his earnings towards the house/family is wrong. You sound like you have given up already.
What was the relationship like before you got ill?

I don't really have any friends
Yes officially living together.
Before the depression things were good. We were both happy, planning a wedding and generally things were right.

Then he should be contributing more, much more and not spending family money on "and all that"

you do realise "and all that" could be other women, don't you ?

As I asked upthread OP, what was it the emails you saw that made you accuse him of cheating?
You do have friends! You said you had mostly male friends earlier.

Most people either under-eat or overeat when they are depressed. Personally, I under eat during periods of acute stress, and tend to over eat slightly when long term low lying depressed.

It is next to impossible not to feel depressed when you have two very young children and a selfish teenager for a husband. My h checked out of our relationship increasingly for a few years, although not quite so dramatically or in such an obviously entitled way.

If he wont work at it, or take you seriously, you have very few options. Have you tried throwing a strop and telling him that you wont continue to live like this? He may never change, but I dont think he will at all unless you are are willing to take some action to protect yourself from his unfairness.

Male friends I talk to occasionally but don't really see. The depression made me wary of going out in case people were judging me and I cut a lot of people out. DP says he gave up asking me to do things because I never wanted to but I was scared if that makes sense?

Oh and the emails were him calling her beautiful and actually emailing her to begin with really. I don't get called beautiful or anything anymore and as pathetic as it is it really upset me.

Time to sit him down and tell him you're unhappy and worried about the future. What happened to a loving partnership? This all sounds one sided, you giving, him taking the piss.

Has it always been like this? What was it like when it was different, if it was different?

I've written everything out and told him we're sitting down friday night and talking everything through. This way I can read straight from what I've written down and hopefully not get flustered!

If his response to your talk is anything approaching mortification at his treatment of you, the relationship may have a chance.
if he listens and says "What can I do?" that is also hopeful.
EVEN if his initial response is defensiveness and "Well you do THIS..", if you can get past that and into a neutral, no blame space where you agree to both put work/time/energy into the relationship AND he contributes more financially, then that would be good too.
If, however, you get apathetic eye-rolling and most of the blame directed at you, along with you being expected to put all the work in...run for the hills.

I hope it works out for you OP.

have you also detailed, in explicit terms, the things he needs to do to make you happy ?

and will you be making it clear what will happen if he cannot or will not take them on board ?

and most importantly, will you follow through if necessary

if you haven't done those 3 things, you are wasting your time, and rocking your shaky ground even further

I was brutally honest since I have nothing to lose right now and told him he has 3 options- talk to me and ignore me, in which case he goes, talk to me, change his ways for a few days and revert back, in which case he goes or talk me to like a grown up and take on board what i say and we could try and fix it. I've put down everything about the money, the 'friend' and how shit he makes me feel and how i want him to change it.

good, you are sounding clear and focussed

he should listen to you love, it's the very very least he could do

you are not insignificant, you are his partner and you deserve better treatment than this

Hopefully he'll listen. If not then there isn't anything I can do except move on. I'm 23, it's not the end of the world. I'll be upset but I'm trying to keep my head in the place of 'if he won't listen then he's not worth it'. Easier to think when he's not here though!

plenty more fish 'n' all that

I wish I had had my head screwed on like that when I was 23

That's it Somebody

Right there in your last post, I see someone who is smart and deserves great respect. I forsee a great future for you and a lot of posting in reply to other peoples issues on here, giving the good advice

When I was 23 I was an absolute fuckup by the way.

feel you need to be honest with yourself.. he is making you so unhappy and as a result question your own emotions. Its times like this i feel women HAVE to go off their instinct. Im affraid if my partner wasnt paying me any attention but texting or talking to others id be questioning his priorities and where his heart was. Friends of opposite sex are of course ok however not if the relationshhip isnt functioning,,, its serious additional problems waiting to happen.

If hes making you unhappy hun and wont talk or doesnt want to alter things surely you must qu he really is good enough for you. xx
take care