Ive recently only just started coming on mumsnet and found it to be an often blunt helpful insight to the real life problems we all face. Of course ive read many threads and subsequent responses. Im just asking myself about the content of many of those threads and replies. I find myself feeling for those who are in obvious deep pain from the hurt caused by those they thought would love them forever unconditionally. As i recently seperated from a long marraige with dcs which was immensely painful as we both had endless discussions to realise we were no longer happy together we therefore chose to seperate. Im sure there isnt any thrid party involved its just what i believe happens sometimes. And yes we were potentially affairs waiting to happen if another had coem along and meet any of the numerous unmet needs we both had. What I feel strongly about is even during all the pain and intolerable heartache we went through never did i once allow myself to contemplate using our dcs within the issues we had. or was prepared to use them to cause problems. Because surely its only the dcs who suffer in the end.
If we as parents are struggling is it not better to find sollutions that even in seperation are best for the children. Neither of us wanted to give up the dcs obviously we love them incredibly so. We had serious issues that caused me intolerable pain at times i suspected many things and therefore it could i suppose led me to get all angsty and fight. But i cant see the point for end the result is we r seperated the custody is shared according to the dcs needs and hobbies etc.
No seperation is ideal for it causes alot more complications and i am aware that as we are both relatively still young (mid 40s) we probably will find new partners at some point. hOWEVER i am determined to always find a way through to keep everything as ok as possible no matter how upset i am that we have had to seperate.
What is clear that sometimes seperation is the sollution for the good of all those living together for then surely we can all be happier (potentially) and therefore better parents. Hanging on by being ansty is only about oneself and therefore selfish??? Having gone through this process I could have overread into friendships and absent partner as there was an affair as im sure he could have about me also. I have laughed at how easily on mumsnet people respond by saying oh hes having an affair. when really is it just not that people are unhappy, havent maintained a full loving giving relationship and therefore are looking for a reason?
I could have totally blamed my x partner but chose to share the responsibility of not maintaining a giving love for him as i took for granted his love? He was unhappy surely thats not all about 'him'. was unhappy once i was prepared to admit it. Its too easy to blame the other..
Hope maybe my words helps someone going through similar. I say look within dont just blame it results in much more revolation about yourself. x