Want my life back with my beloved partner

[fullofnostalgia]

Had a really happy memory tonight of my darling XP and I dancing in our garden late at night; it was so funny whirling each other around and we ended up collapsing with laughter (we were doing "The Gay Gordons" and lah-lahing the tune!).

Wondering why it all went so wrong? He had another woman for many years but was able to convince me that I was an idiot!

I miss him terribly! Can't move on - would love to go back to the very happy times!

likeatonneofbricks - I lost my DP to the professional lady.

Still wake up every morning thinking, for a short while, that we are still together! Then brain kicks in ... !

Am not interested in another relationship; have been so badly hurt and am STILL reeling from the shock! Sounds pathetic and juvenile, I know, but still can't come to terms with it all.

Tx for your very kind post!

I think you miss being in love and being happy with someone. Not him.

You need to find a way of being happy with yourself, I suspect. Then you can move on and being in love with someone who deserves you.

No,Lueji, that's not the situation at all!

Am really not interested in another relationship; my XP was everything that I wanted (apart from his fetish) and we had a business together which I adored.

I have a very loving family; there are many of us and they are all so kind and thoughtful towards me. Am so lucky and grateful to them all, especially the young ones in their 20's and 30's - love hearing about their lives and achievements!

Miss my XP desperately and can't stop loving him! That's it, really!

I'm not saying you want another relationship.

It may seem to you that you want him, but I think in fact you want to feel like you felt when you were with him, which is different.

If it is that strong, why don't you go to counselling? It might help you analyse your feelings and move on.

Tx *Lueji." So very tired now - am off to bed! No doubt that it will be another night of dreams/nightmares!

You say that your XP was everything you wanted, apart from the fetish. However, the fetish is a part of him, so you are hankering after a fantasy person, an ideal that you have created. Not your actual XP. Having a fetish is not bad in itself, but the lying and cheating was bad.

So, you claim you are still in love with a man who is a liar and a cheat. You need to move away from the fantasy you've created around him and face the reality. You need to stop yearning for a past that didn't exist. Otherwise, you cannot live your life without always looking backwards and that's very sad.

I agree with others. It does sound like some sort of counselling would be beneficial to you.

likeatonneofbricks - a fetish does not necessarily occur in later life. Many kinky types admit to something happening in childhood (often before puberty) which stuck with them and they knew they just 'liked'. Please also bear in mind that lots of fetish type behaviour is actually the norm for many couples who would not consider themselves kinksters. Dressing up, sex toy use, bit of role play, bondage, role reversal, leather/rubber clothing - all done by many couples every day. However, I accept that one or some of these things are unacceptable to some people and this is obviously the case with the OP. The ex obviously decided that he was prepared to end his marriage for his sexual preference and, although he has upset the OP, it does not mean he is 'spoiling his life' or has an addiction. He chose to do this. He is probably having a great time - no disrespect to the OP. However, he may also be sad that the OP did not want to accommodate this preference and felt strongly enough to leave her in order to have certain needs met. Selfish - probably. Understandable - probably.

Gay, kinky and straight people can (and do) go to professionals for sex. Most gay, kinky and straight people have loving, long-lasting, committed relationships.

Gay, kinky and straight people also go for counselling. Most gay, kinky and straight do not.

Genetics causing homosexuality maybe one of many, many factors. Not the only one.

Thank you, all! Feeling much better now due to the combined wisdom of MNs - have finally realised that my X is very shallow emotionwise! (Not sure if that's a real word but ykwim.)

Once again, tx and best wishes to all who are going through a tough time! AF will sort it all out (love her posts! x)

Have been reading the posts/threads of the last few evenings; it's all very depressing reading about cheaters/smug OW/poor pregnant women who are going through the mill with their partners, etc!

Thank goodness for MN and the excellent advice and support which shines through from the vast experience of people willing to share their own wisdom gained from the most unwelcome events in their own lives!

Thanks to you all!