Not just my relationship Im saying goodbye too...

[whatwillcomeofthis]

But my whole life!

I love DP dearly. We have been together 9 years and have 2 DC together. But I real feel we have grow apart. We constantly fight, irritated by each other, and don't understand each other anymore!

I really feel its time to let go. Or we are going to drive each other further down. It's safe to say we don't make each other happy, and we have tried so hard too.

But he is my whole life! I look after him, I'm probably closer to his family much more than I'm close to my own. I've never really known anything other than him in my life!

I know he will want a complete split so no being 'friends'
He will probably find someone else quickly,
I will lose his family

I'm scared, please tell me it will be ok if I do this?

I am a sort of regular but have namechanged, sorry forgot to say.

It will be OK, truely it will. It will take a while, but eventually it will be much better than OK, much better than it is now. I'm sorry it's come to this :( However, it's good to realise it before you destroy each other. Having the children, he may surprise you and in time you might be able to be friends and if you are genuinely close to his family, you don't need to lose them too if you all act like grown ups.

Is this going to come as a huge shock to him?

Thank you for your reply, I don't think it will be a surprise no. We nearly split before Christmas but talked each other out of it.

We went away over Christmas, and we're good, but since we've been home it's gradually got worse again.

He's going to be hurt though. But I have a feeling he may want this too. I'm so rubbish at speaking out though, spent most of the relationship not really speaking up for myself. This could be the hardest thing I ever do!

It sounds like you've tried so hard already

Unless his family are totally odd, I'm sure you'll have some contact with them. It takes a while but time heals. One day at at a time, an' all that x

You're both going to be hurt and upset, you both talked yourselves out of splitting up before Xmas and you both are unhappy.

Have you had counselling? BEcause it sounds to me like you do love each other under all the stress and arguing but have perhaps lost each other and lost how to communicate with each other.

Could you get to Relate?

Why do you think it was good when you were away but worse now?

Have you tried counselling or relate?

You may well decide that it's best to separate, but then it will be a more conscious decision, and not just because you are going through a bad patch.

Don't do it if you are in any doubt that you want to. It does sound like you still love each other and just can't work it out on your own. It could be just that you need to meet each others needs in ways the other appreciates or there might be a break down of trust from hurts that haven't healed. Either way make sure that you exhaust all avenues of help and support. Go to relate or if you know some older wise friends ask them to mediate as you talk things through. If it isn't really what either of you want and getting out is just the only thing you feel empowered to do then remembering the impact it can have on children, make sure also for them that you can say "we tried everything". There is counselling like relate, marriage guidance courses, marriage courses not just for troubled but to enhance marriages wherever they are at, there is mediation, there are books. If you want me to suggest specifics then send a message to inbox. I know a fair amount cause I am in a similar position, and when I am feeling most dispondant or angry or hurt I am ready to walk but then deep down I want to make it work and so I am trying to change what I can change in me (a mean feat in overcoming pride) and some of the avenues mentioned above. Sometimes a split is the only option but for everyone involved one has to be really sure and then the same problems can carry on with next partners. What do you think is the issue/s? Good luck!

I can empathise with how you feel. After my exh and I split I can remember being devestated at a new year party - everyone else was reminiscing, looking back on that year and on previous years, dancing to old favourite records, and I felt as though I'd lost a huge chunk of my history, and that I had no-one to share those stories with. But now, almost 20 years on and I have a new life, a long and happy series of memories, and the few years that I spent with my exh are a small portion of my overall life.

Whatever you do, whether you can resolve your relationship or not, you will continue to build new friends and relationships and your life will develop.

I would urge you to take Down2 earths advice . If you still love your partner there is still hope . ( i am assuming the fights you refer to are married rows and not physical and there is no abuse in your relationship ) . How long have you been unhappy for ? Is there anyone else involved ?

I would strongly suggest counselling to ensure this is really what you want . I am not anti divorce or " stay for the kids " , but there really is a lot to think about . Problems are often on going after the split , you will still irritate each other , and not understand each other , but you will be co parenting ( which will bring its own issues ) and youll hopefully see him plenty .

Do consider him meeting someone else . How do you feel about that ? What might she like about him ? Consider also that she might have children of her own , as might any man that you meet . Blended familys are not easy by any means . These are not reasons to stay of course , but they should be things that you consider carefully . Things that seem terrible now might seem very differant in a years time .

Its sort of not ok to admit to regretting a divorce or a major split , most people will say they have no regrets , although i recently read an article from Relate that said differantly .