How do I get out of this without hurting his feelings?

[differentnametoposthere]

In a nutshell.

Have a lovely BF who I am really happy with.

ExH cousin came down yesterday to see DD and drop off a present for her birthday. He's a nice chap - really a nice bloke, I like him as a person but I don't fancy him.

I was talking loads about how I can't fit everything in with work and Bf and how I can't wait to see him etc etc

But this bloke just didn't lift it. He has texted loads since and phoned this morning.

I don't want to hurt his feelings, he's fond of the kids (never married no kids of his own) and is a genuinely nice person. His sister is also one of my best friends.

But he was definitely flirting with me.

help!

But he knows you are seeing someone, so if he makes a move, he'll just make a fool of himself. I don't know what the problem is!

He can't flirt with you unless you do it back. Just send a couple of two word answers, as in, oh good, fine. Just don't do long texts.

I didn't reply to the texts so he phoned this morning!

I don't want to hurt his feelings and when he was moving closer on the sofa I got up and moved away, as an example.

I might have a word with his sister if it carries on?

How many texts has he sent? What did he say in his phone call?

Could he simply think he is supporting you......?

Just bloody tell him you are in a relationship. Stop liking the attention OP!

If I needed to get a message across I could.

What's to get out of? He fancies you - so what? It doesn't mean you have to give him a go.

If he tries it on, just tell him you're flattered but not interested. Don't respond to flirty talk.

It doesn't matter if you hurt his feelings.

Tell him to stop.

I think we, as women, somehow feel that we have to be 'nice' all the time. ('nice' being compliant, allowing men to touch us, putting their feelings first, not being seen to be 'difficult' etc etc etc)

We don't.

You can tell him that you have a partner and you find his advances unacceptable and he must stop.

How he feels about that is his problem.

If he makes you feel unsafe, do not choose the routes of lets-not-make-a-fuss or I-don't-want-to-hurt-his-feelings (it's ego more than anything if he is trying it on when he knows you're attached). Don't let him in the house - you're just going out. Don't be alone with him. Tell him to fuck off if necessary.

Trust your instincts, and don't be afraid to be 'rude'. He would be the one being rude if he pushes attentions on you that you don't want.

Sometimes you have to be blunt, some people dont read subtle. [sp]

He doesn't make me feel unsafe - he just isn't very good at subtle, as Amber said.

He is nice but a bit of a drip.

He KNOWS I have a BF I have sat at his kitchen table (he still lives at home he's 40) and shown photos and stuff - i just have to be blunter I suppose.

Am going to continue ignoring the texts and be short on the phone, no engaging in conversation and hope he gets the message

Not that much of a drip if he is continuing to pester you. Don't be fooled, he's not so dense he isn't aware of what he's doing. He just thinks he can wear you down and you'll open your legs eventually. Tell him, calmly and firmly, that you have a boyfriend, you are not interested in dating him and you want him to stop pestering you.

Am going to pm you SGB

Get a grip OP {holds head in hands at women being so weak} its the 21st century not bloody 1800!

I know - will be very blunt tomorrow or whenever he contacts me again

I just didn't want to be brutal about it but I guess I have to be.

You shouldn't worry about being rude: he clearly doesn't. You don't need his good opinion, or to worry about his feelings when he is ignoring yours.

If he won't take "no thanks" for an answer he can't be that nice.

Don't hint. Just tell him. No need to beat about the bush, and no reason why telling him the truth should be hurtful.

I might have a word with his sister if it carries on

She's your best friend and your cousin too? I suggest you tell your male cousin that, even if you weren't spoken for, it's no way, Jose, and don't seek to humiliate him by mentioning it to other family members.

Your post reminds me somewhat of my dearly loved aged granny; she won't receive gentleman callers unless she is wearing a hat complete with pearl hatpin - her reasoning has something to do with her belief that propriety must be observed at all times, but I guess a hatpin could be handy in fending off unwelcome advances.