Name changer and v long (sorry). DH started a business a few months ago. He was suspended from work and decided to set up himself. He had talked about this previously, but it kind of felt like he didn't have any other options when suspended so went ahead. I am a carer/SAHM.
Thing is he is working or on call 24/7 and has been since it started. It is really taking its toll on our relationship and family life. He told me initially that he wouldn't be available for anything family wise and that we would have to work around his work. This was ok at first, however, we have two small children, one of whom has some medical issues. I do everything around the house, and childcare, as I did this while he was working F/T and I didn't mind. Plus, he would do things such as make dinner at the weekend when he was off.
However, now he never helps. He goes out each day from 9-5 and is often out in the evenings and at weekends. However he will work like this whether he is busy or not. He will literally have no work but be gone all day. It's not that I'm not supportive, I am as I want his business to do well, but I feel that he could help but he would choose to work (he admits this too) he adores his business and would happily spend as much time on it as he could. While I understand the need for the crazy work hours I am feeling really deflated about it all. He has stuck to his no commitment to family thing. Such as when one of our children was in hospital I needed him to look after the other child. He refused as he was on call. I had to get my mum to do it. I also had some exams recently, three exams which were two hours each. I asked him months in advance if he could cover them and he agreed. However, the day before my exam he told me that he couldn't help, and again I had to find someone to step in.
It's the little things like this and he never shows any consideration for the family, he will go out, in the day or the evening and not bother telling me where he's going, go out of contact but when he's ready to be home he will want to know where I am and what I've been doing.
It doesn't help that I am struggling being at home. It can't be avoided but my Mental health is taking a bit of a battering being at home and the longevity of it all, I would love some support and/or a chance to get away from it all. I did look into part time work but it didn't come to fruition due to lack of childcare and our child's medical issues. But I feel so bloody depressed, and am sick of it all.
Whenever we try to talk about it, he gets defensive and tells me that I'm being unsupportive, whereas, I'm not arguing for him to be at home all the time, or that I need him to do certain things, but some help, a little bit of the time would be nice. Or when I need him to commit to something (like taking one of the children, when the other is in hospital) I am not asking him to do these things all the time, they are once every now and again situations. But his business has to come first, and it does. He has already told me he's not prepared to get a job, and that he jeopardised his career for his last girlfriend and he's not going to do it again. Thing is, I'm not asking him to give it up, I'm just asking him to recognise that we exist. Feels like we're flatmates with separate lives - if we separated at least he'd have to commit to caring for the children a couple hours of the week right?
I just can't continue like this anymore, the child with medical issues is going back into hospital soon and I can just feel another argument about this will happen - and it may just be the end of the marriage. I am devastated about this but I don't know how to fix it. How much more support shall I give before I give up?