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Original poster

So, who regrets their Godparent choices?

39 replies

FullyImmersed · 29/01/2012 14:23

Do the people you chose for Godparents for your DC take their role seriously? Or do they not bother with them at all?

I regret one choice I made so much! But the others I chose, I couldn't have picked better people :)

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 29/01/2012 14:25

I'm not religious so I never bothered with anything like that.

However, I have a few religious friends and I think the role of their Godparents are quite difficult ones because if the kids aren't interested in going to church etc, how is a Godparent going to help 'guide' them if even their parents can't do it?

cyb · 29/01/2012 14:29

I regret saying I would be a Godparent

Original poster
FullyImmersed · 29/01/2012 14:30

Well my DS has 5 Godparents, 2 are good friends that I have known for years ad would trust with his life, 1 is my dad, and 2 are friends from the church.

The first 3, couldn't be better Godparents, my friends treat my son like one of their own :)

The friends from church I regret, I chose them because I know if anything happened to me they would carry on taking DS to church, but recently their son hurt my son in a bad way and they reacted in the worse way about it :(

OP posts:
Original poster
FullyImmersed · 29/01/2012 14:32

I don't think everyone sees being a Godparent in the same way, I think non-religious people that choose to get their DC Christened, it's to people they would like to care for their children if anything happens to them.

cyb, why do you regret agreeing to be a Godparent?

OP posts:
empirestateofmind · 29/01/2012 14:33

I was asked to be a Godparent when I was only a teenager and also regret saying yes. I was too young and didn't know the parents or child well although they were distant relatives.

TheSecondComing · 29/01/2012 14:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 29/01/2012 14:36

Why would you get your children christened if you were non religious though?

Also, do God parents have any legal status?

I really don't know?

Labootin · 29/01/2012 14:36

We have non godparents ( very close friends) they are expected to meet up for drunken bbqs ( with us in attendance) the odd babysitting ( reciprocated as they have children) and play football and cricket and dressing up as fairies on odd occasions when I can't be arsed.

I find that works far better and is possibly the modern equivalent

(admitted agnostic)

ThisIsNotMyLife · 29/01/2012 14:38

I have God parents. They've never really bothered with me. It's just an excuse for a party when a new baby comes. It doesn't mean much to most people who do it.

Of course, there a few familes where this is taken very seriously and can be a lovely thing. I wouldn't worry if it didn't though.

cyb · 29/01/2012 14:39

Fully

Because I'm not religious in the slightest and I said yes because I was flattered. But standing there saying alll these promises didn't feel; right to me. I woudl rather have had an informal understanding with our friends about our involvement in their childrens lives

Also we were second choice after one couple said no!

Snowbeetle · 29/01/2012 14:40

oh dear, you have caused me a guilt crisis! I became a godparent but soon after had a crisis of faith so no longer qualified for the job, to cap it off I live miles away so rarely see her. I don't know how much real involvement parents expected as we didn't have the conversation and it seems to vary an awful lot. But in my own mind, in my own conscience - I have been rubbish
:(

MollieO · 29/01/2012 14:41

I chose three godparents for ds - a married couple and a single chap. The married couple were very religious and their life revolved around their church so I thought they would be very good.

Couldn't have made a worse choice. I've had no contact with the married couple since ds was one, despite the fact that they are local and I'd known them for 20 years before ds was born. Unfortunately they turned out to be less than christian and not at all supportive (I'd spent 20 years supporting them through a number of life crises but neither were there for me when I very nearly died when ds was 1). Single chap is fab however and plays an active part in ds's life although he doesn't live locally.

Snowbeetle · 29/01/2012 14:41

my own ds has not been christened so no gp's to worry about. :)

Original poster
FullyImmersed · 29/01/2012 14:53

Snowbeetle, don't feel guilty, just give them a call and ask if she's ok :) that's all it takes.. you can't help the distance, but I know a call asking after DS would make me warm inside :)

I know some of my friends Godparents for their children don't bother even though they live nearby :( They say they would give anything to be able to change who they chose..

OP posts:
Snowbeetle · 29/01/2012 14:57

thanks for reply FullyImmersed. :)
I do keep in touch - but it is more on a ordinary friend who lives a long way away level, so rough idea life is OK but very sketchy on little details - I'm a rubbish godparent but not quite totally absent. I visit very rarely and take presents, that's about it. :(

TwoPinkShoes · 29/01/2012 15:07

Goodness me, yes Grin dd1 had two godparents - an old university friend of dh's (who's a priest!!!) and his wife. We also asked then to be name in the will as guardians. They declined that but said they'd be delighted to be godparents. We should have rethought then tbh.

Well, it's clear they couldn't give a stuff about their godchild. They don't even send a birthday card or a Christmas card Sad And when they had children of their own, we weren't even invited to their baptisms. It's really sad as we chose much better for the little one and poor Dd occasionally comments on the difference between what her sister's godparents do (nothing material - it's not about presents!) compared to the zero relationship she has with her own. It really makes dh and I feel sad Sad

breatheslowly · 29/01/2012 15:38

TwoPinkShoes. It is probably time to pick some honorary godparents (or think up another name) for your DD to fill the gap. I appreciate that for religious people god parents have a specific meaning, ceremonial appointment and role, but for many children they just want the relationship and to have an adult take a special interest in them, not because they are related to them, but by choice. It gives a sense of "because you are worth it". I would definitely find someone to fill that gap for your DD. You might even be able to think of a friend who she is close to and (after sounding them out) get her to suggest them and then "ask them" and find out that they would be delighted.

kerala · 29/01/2012 16:06

For the person that asked earlier the role of godparent has no legal status. It does not mean that if you die the people you opted to be godparents would have care of your DC thats a common misconception and a total red herring.

Everyone with children should get a proper Will done specifying who will have guardianship if you both die and how your money/assets will be held on trust for your DC/used by those who have care of them.

Groovee · 29/01/2012 16:14

I made the perfect choice for dd and wish I'd asked the same ones to be ds's as his show little interest in him and are no longer part of our life.

ddubsgirl · 29/01/2012 23:22

Me,we only had ds 1 christened as felt pushed into it none of them bother with ds 1is my brother we didnt want siblings but 1 who was going to be gf couldnt get back to uk so my bro was last min choice which pissed off my other brother altho he never bothered with me for years till i had ds other 2 were friends but over years and shit that happened none take any intrest in him

bejeezus · 29/01/2012 23:37

I am athiest and so my dds have a god-less father. He is named in my will to have guardianship

I chose him because I trust and respect his opinions and judgement on anything and everything. I wouldn't have any concerns at all about him raising my dcs.

He is a big part of their lives, despite not seeing him all that regularly- maybe every 2 months. He is a father figure, they love and respect him.

No regrets what so ever

Haziedoll · 29/01/2012 23:39

I don't think the role of godparent really means anything to most people. Sad but true.

ReduceRecycleRegift · 29/01/2012 23:43

bejeezus you do know you don't get to choose a guardian?, it's appointed by the children's court as the closest suitable reasonably young relative usually

kerala you cannot appoint guardianship in your will, you can express a PREFERENCE but if its not a relative it's very unlikely to be chosen

ReduceRecycleRegift · 29/01/2012 23:46

OP I don't know what you mean by "take their role seriously"

my DS's do, but they see him about once a year (distance)

bejeezus · 29/01/2012 23:49

reduce my solicitor did not say anything about that. Surely if parents have specified a person they want over relatives, in a will and that person is in agreeance....?