I have been ill recently, close to a section at one point, though I talked the doctor out of calling the MHT and explained why I would be best at home. This is all due to a switch of medication, I came off of paroxetine (Seroxat) a couple of weeks ago and did a quick switch to slow release venlafaxine. I've gone from maximum dose of one in a week to the minimum dose of the other, and as I expected there have been side effects and difficulties.
Before we got together, we talked about all our deep dark secrets. I told him I had enduring mental health problems and could be difficult to live with during any relapses.
During this breakdown, he has been less than supportive. I assume he finds it difficult. I have been fairly aggressive towards him, angry and finding fault. Of course I apologise when I get my emotions back under control, and as time has gone on and the withdrawal symptoms have lessened, I have managed to contain it much better. However, now I am containing things, he is returning the favour so to speak, and is extremely moody.
I basically supported us financially since the beginning of December when he lost his job (which can be seasonally affected), I borrowed money on the premise of him getting a tax return which has not materialised yet. He is working now, but not due pay until mid-February. In light of this, I thought he might be a bit more supportive of household matters and childcare, this does not seem to be the case. There have been a few occasions where he has been great, but overall he has generally moped around, played computer games and been moody about money.
Since starting back at work I have ensured there has been hot dinner on the table, a clean and tidy environment at home (he gets stressed by mess), opportunity to relax and unwind for a while after work and he has been doing nothing at all. Instead of picking at him or getting mad and complaining, I have been writing my niggles down. The list is getting long.
I admit I closed off for a while, stayed away from him whilst my moodiness was out of control, spent a lot of time on the computer or reading. I am trying to return the relationship to normal and he is seeming resistant. Conversation is forced, I feel like I am nagging at him, he does things like completely ignore me, walk away, play on his iPhone and delay responding so I am standing like a numpty wondering if he has heard me.
Our physical relationship is non-existent, I keep getting UTIs or thrush every time I try to have sex, so I've just stopped. I am seeing a Urologist regards this issue, and am awaiting a diagnosis. I also have arthritis which makes me tired and sore, so it's easier when I feel run down to just stop. I've noticed that he has stopped saying I love you, or giving me a hug or peck on the lips when he's going out somewhere. A day last week I broke down sobbing regards my daughter's behavioural difficulties and he stood watching me, not offering me any physical reassurance.
I moved in last year at the beginning of our relationship, it was pretty fast, but I was very ill and he was caring for me, so it just seemed like a natural progression. We'd dated for a while and he was around a lot as a friend. Now I am starting to think that we are not so suited to living together, that perhaps I am not suited to living with anyone given my health complications, and that at this moment in time being in a relationship is not the best idea.
I love him, but it's not right at the moment. A step back and maybe we could make it work. Is this the sort of stage where you'd try a trial separation? I cannot imagine being not in a relationship with him and thought he was my happily ever after, but my health doesn't seem to agree. I kept delaying progressing our dating because it wasn't the right time and I needed to sort my health out, and then gave in. I don't want to mess anyone around, my kids have bonded well with him and I love his son too, but I honestly believe living together is making me more sick and preventing proper healing.
Any words of wisdom?