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Relationships

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Original poster

You've had how many.....?

46 replies

Pfer · 20/01/2006 14:57

Does your other half know how many sexual partners you've had and does it bother them? And does it bother you how many they've had?

My DH has a serious problem with mine as it's more than he has. I don't think he'd care how many I'd slept with as long as it was less than he had. Many an arguement caused by this I can tell you! Just don't understand why. Why should the past hinder the present and future?

OP posts:

Lacrimosa · 20/01/2006 18:36

I was only16 when dp and i got together!

lazyanna · 20/01/2006 18:37

There's an average - how do they work that out - how many men would tell the truth?

lou33 · 20/01/2006 18:54

Mine knew, but he had 2 differing reactions. Firstly he didnt care at all, then years later, towards the end of our relationship, we had a conversation which brought it up . He said i had never told him how many partners i had up til i met him, and that he felt like our marriage had been based on a lie, that he married a different person. Stupid arse. Double standards because he had at least twice as many partners as me.

compo · 20/01/2006 18:56

lazyanna - don't you know if you were your husband's first then?!!

Blu · 20/01/2006 19:02

yes, we both know, no there's no problem, at all. We've both led liberal lives, and neither of us judges the other on anything other than how respectfully we treated people. E.g, I know that though DP has been a right tart, he has never been unfaithful / deceitful to anyone. And vice versa.

I thnk double standards creep in where you wouldn't expect them. the point you make about what your children grow up thnking is a good one. Can he explain his problem with it?

BonyM · 20/01/2006 19:08

I've always been more interested how many dh has had than he has been in me. I think I know his number - he hasn't got a clue about mine and doesn't want to know.

Ex-dh did want to know and I think it was an issue for him that my number was higher than his (well, his was only one before me!)

I think you're right when you say it's because he feels insecure.

kama · 20/01/2006 19:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

motherinferior · 20/01/2006 21:21

Don't know exact numbers (he gets all coy and cagy) but he knows my tally's higher than his

morningpaper · 20/01/2006 21:39

Knows 'em all, often has dinner with some of them

FrannytheQuinoaEater · 20/01/2006 21:47

When he asked I gave him a rough figure and he said "yeah me too". I have reason to believe I rounded down and he rounded up. I guess it can be more comfortable if you feel you are both in the same sort of territory.

expatinscotland · 20/01/2006 21:49

Couples actually bring this up?

Man, that's more embarrassing than all those men I 'shared time' with - sleeping wasn't involved with some of them .

MrsMiggins · 20/01/2006 21:52

Amerian Pie 3

whatever men says divide by 3
whatever women say times by 3

somtehing like that{grin]

Pruni · 20/01/2006 21:53

Message withdrawn

expatinscotland · 20/01/2006 21:53

I prefer the 'don't ask, don't tell' policy.

chipmonkey · 20/01/2006 22:20

I was dh's 1st, he was mine. No issues there!

Blondeinlondon · 20/01/2006 23:05

Mine knows an approximation
I work on the basis that some didn't count eg cos the sex was crap, they had a bad haircut whatever
It is all in the past so irrelevant now

amanda1 · 21/01/2006 11:48

Message withdrawn

WideWebWitch · 21/01/2006 11:53

Yes he does and no it doesn't bother him (I used to be a slapper). And I know his and likewise. his is lower though.

SorenLorensen · 21/01/2006 12:57

My dh is a bit funny about it too. I think he would like me to have been squeaky clean, untouched, and preferably shrink wrapped before he met me. Silly @rse. Ironic really as I never put it about that much (why, why didn't I? Should've done...) and he did. And I don't give a stuff how many partners he had (which is good 'cos it's a lot). Men are weird aren't they? OK, mine is. To me it's irrelevant and in the past. It doesn't cause problems - but I don't ever bring it up, iykwim, and if I do mention an ex he gets a bit tight lipped. Did I say he was a silly @rse ?

SHHHH · 21/01/2006 19:03

my dh is the same . Not as bad now but I remember up till the 5th year of us being together he would bring this issue up on a regular basis.He would make me feel really bad and like I was the one who had done something wrong.
I was only 17 when we met and hadn't had many partners and he was my 1st proper boyf but it made no difference to him. He wanted to know everything. I remember him finding my diary (like you do write when you are a teenage) and he read it and asked me about x and what we did etc,it shocked me when he started bringing up names etc and then he confessed he had read my diary . He doesn't realise that diaries are sometimes fabricated esp when written by 16 yr old girls.. Anyway he made me burn it which saddens me even now..

I don't give a toss who he s&&&&ed or how many. Maybe I should ?????.

cathyspam · 21/01/2006 19:25

We know how many people each other has slept with and both fine with it - I only had 1 prior to dh and I was the first he slept with sober - what he doesnt know is the list of people I may have done 'other' things with!

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