Counselling

[K0404]

Has anybody tried relate couple counselling? How was it? Did it work for you? Deforested from partner, my feelings for him have just gone due to his nastyness, lies, and majorly forceful and pressurising me when it comes to sex. Not sure if you can get feelings once they've gone but I need to try for my son. :( grateful for any advice or comments X

Sounds to me like he might be abusive and controlling in which case couples counselling isn't recommended. Perhaps it would be better for you to have some individual counselling. Why are you still with him btw? He sounds vile.

Any form of counselling is only going to be as good as the counsellor and the effort that the other party/parties put(s) into it.

From what you've said, your partner sounds abusive and joint counselling isn't recommend for any couple where one is abusing the other.

You may be best advised to source counselling for yourself so that you can work through your feelings with a neutral third party in privacy.

recommended

'not sure can get feelings once they've gone'

If they have gone, you can't start a fire without a spark. Your son would be better off without the toxic relationship, with a mum who values herself.

Thank you so much for your replies. Am I kidding myself that things will ever get to a point where we can be together again? He said he'll get help with the sex thing to try to help him stop being so forceful/persistent when he wants sex but surely that's a case of just knowing right from wrong not that you have a problem with controlling yourself and need professional help? What do you think? I have left him. Me and my lo live with friends. I just can't seem to shake off those thoughts/memories of how I felt during those horrid moments when he insisted on having sex. (that's a very toned down way to put it)

Um, you want help to fall back in love with a nasty liar so you don't mind being raped? Any counsellor who did any such thing ought to be struck off, if not strung up. Some people ought not to be in a relationship with another adult, and he sounds like one of them.

I suggest you look into ways of co-parenting amicably from a distance, so that your son doesn't miss out on a dad - unless he's as nasty, dishonest and occasionally violent to children as he is to women, in which case maybe the lad is better off without frequent contact, don't you think?

Now tell me what a great dad your ex is

Yes guess that's what I'm asking ! I'm asking for help so I can learn to love someone that reduced me to tears cos he just wouldn't accept no and keep on pressurising me until I gave in! I am/sound Ridiculous! He's a good dad when it suits.

If he has 'insisted on having sex' (as you put it) then you don't need counselling to fall back in love with him. You need to stay away. It might be worth having some counselling on your own, to help you deal with what you've been through?

Bad times had to move back to flat. Caught my friend I was living with trying to kill herself so she is now in hospital and I couldn't stay there whilst her and hubby ate going through this. It not as bad as I thought but I just don't trust my bf. he's hasnt forced sex on me yet do we'll see about that. He's being great with ds and is treating me a lot better so I was feeling kind of positive until now. I found a text on his phone this am asking him if he was coming out, from a girl I don't like cos I found a conversation between them about me that was disrespectful. He's also on fuck buddies web site and mingle. I just feel let down by these 3 things. Do people join these things just to chat and have something to do or was he tending to use it?! I just want to find out once and for all if I can trust him cos I don't at all !

move out agiain asap.
he may be nice for a few days it wont last.
see a counsellor yourself.

No where to go. I really want to find out how far he'd go with someone else.

Why does he continue to be in touch with the very people that fucked up my feelings for him! I just don't get it. I know I don't pay him the attention he wants but it doesn't help when I see girls texting him!

why do you want to torture yourself?

this is very inhealthy relationship

there is always somewhere to go - contact womens aid and goto a refuge

I'm worried my situation isn't serious enough. People there are beaten up every day aren't they I just feel my situation isn't as bad as that! God I'm fucking pathetic

call womens aid they always happy to talk thru what is going on and no you dont need to be being beaten up evey day

0808 2000 247

Thank you so much for taking the time to help me.

Honestly, get rid of this man. It's a sign of how emotionally healthy you are that you feel no love for him. Why would a sane woman feel love for a rapist? That's what he is if he is forcing you to submit to sex.

Your situation is definitely more than bad enough to call Womens Aid.

Do get counselling, but on your own, not with him. Use the sessions to sort out your feelings, and to find out why you somehow feel obliged to try and fall back in love with someone so harmful to you.

Good luck.

There is a better life out there, and you deserve to go out there and grab it with both hands. Not to stay with a nasty and inadequate partner.