..and the whole situation is causing me major problems.
The background- my sister is my half sister. We have the same mum and grew up together (although she's quite a bit younger than me) but her dad isn't my dad. Her dad was violent, verbally abusive and sexually creepy to me for the 13 years we all lived together until I scarpered from the house. I cut all ties with him then and my mum cut all ties with him about 9 years ago also. He hasn't been a good dad to my sister- no abuse, but he is unpleasant and a threatening presence in her life. She even struggled with anorexia as a result of how living with him took its toll on her.
Fast forward to now, and my sister is getting married next year. Of course, this has opened up the major issue for me of running into her dad at the wedding. I cannot and will not go where that man is. I have struggled hugely over the years with manic depression, anxiety and self harm as a result of what he did to me and I will not put myself in a situation where I am confronted with him. I don't want him even laying eyes on me, let alone my little boy. I have told my sister this and she is aware of the whole history, and also how he treated my mum- affairs, constant put downs, nastiness etc.
However, somehow, my sister has chosen for her dad to be at the wedding and not me and my mum. We are just expected to turn up for the evening. Not only am I baffled and hurt as to why she would choose for it to be this way around- not that I want her to be in a position to have to choose at all, I should point out- but I am sad and confused. She says she is doing it this way because she isn't having children and therefore won't be giving him any grandchldren, so he deserves to give her away. However, it means we won't be there. She reckons that we can come in the evening after he leaves. But, not only has he said to her that he isn't going to leave when she wants him to, but I have a son who will only be 2 by then, so going to an evening do that is a 2 hour drive from our house is impractical. Plus I don't trust for a second that he will have left.
I feel frustrated, angry and very upset. Since this all blew up I have been walking around every single day with a tight chest, and I am having to keep breathing into a paper bag to calm myself down when it gets really bad. I feel like I just want to say that I should be counted out because there is no way he can be relied on to leave, but I feel sure that I will then be the bad guy.