what now?

[ayjay85]

Im a married mum of 3, oldest of who is from previous relationship. I had my oldest when i was 18 and fitting upto 10times a day, so my mum took over her care with the planning that she would be intergrated back to me when my fits are controlled. They started to be controlled after she had a residence order garnted to her, thsi was agreed that it could be terminated when i stop fitting. I met my husband when she was 7weeks old. Well nearly 9 years on and with her stepfather and 2 younger sisters, we still only get to see her at the weekend. My mothers clinically depressed and still got her. Im now awaiting my 1st phonecall from CAFCASS and also a 1st directions hearing. Ive already accessed my own copies of my and my oldest's NHS notes, my social service records from my childhood, which has hardly anything deleted from it. A full history of my mothers care towards me, and also a fully detailed report of my police check from when i first started working for my counicl 3 years ago. I hold down 2 jobs of 2hours each per day mon-fri, my mother works 4.5 hours a week based on 3 days. She claimed carers allowance for caring for me behind my back, which she never did, she classes caring for my children whilst i worked till i found a childminder as caring for me. What a mess.

It does sound a mess but it's not an uncommon situation. You mention that you have social services records from your childhood? Are there any entries in these records that express any concern over your mother's care of you when you were a child?

Why was it necessary for your mother to be granted a residency order and who agreed that it would be terminated when you stopped fitting? Is there written evidence of this agreement or was it what you were lead to believe would happen - if so, who led you believe this?

Was Social Sevices involved in the court proceedings for the RO and when was it made?

Do you have a solicitor on the case and, most importantly, is your dd1 saying that she wants to live with you, her stepfather, and her half sisters, and no longer wishes to live with her dgm?

i was under the childrens act from 1989 at age 3 when i had a brain tumour removed, which caused the epilepsy. Hasnt affected me any other way. Its highlighted in all records that have concern of my mums care towards me.

My social worker at the time said, either my mum has my baby or she goes to care as my fits are to dangerous and put her at risk of neglect throuugh no fault of mine. She lead me to believe i would get her back, verbally agreed in court. thing is social were nout to do with my DD1 nor the case. Ive got a solicitor acting the case and DD! crys when she leaves my house.

If SS weren't involved when the RO was made, it sounds as if your mother has been been devious and I'm wondering to what extent money has played a part in this.

When did you discover that she had been claiming carer's allowance for you and how long had she been in receipt of this income - i.e. prior to your marriage? When did it cease?

Presumably your mother receives child benefit for your dd1? In what other ways do you contribute to dd1's upkeep - do you give your mother money for food, clothes etc?

i had a socail worker for me, but that was nout 2 do with RO. She always wanted paying for chldcare having told me she works between my 2 jobs, which are early morning and late afternoon, i trusted this & didnt question her finances as its not my business. At the time i didnt realise the government could help me with childcare, so i paid her £80 a week, and made myself skint. Then i discovered the careres allowance(she said that looking after theh kids was helping me with day to day care when it wasnt 2 do with my epilepsy) and i also discovered she was on benefits. I stopped the carers allowance, so she suddenly REQUESTED notice to end her tenancy in the 3 bedroom luxury £800per month bungalow she was in, with housing benefit of course. Resulted in her geting a 3 bedroom house instantly whilst i was already on list to transfer from 2 bedroom council house to a 3bedroom due 2 overcrowding. Then my DD1 turned 7 and the government took her income support off her for income based JSA which apparently is less money a week than IS. And then i put DD2 and DD3 into officially reg childcare which was another lot of money taken off her a week.

She had been claiming CA since june 2006 when DD1 was 3 and DD2 was 1,which was 3months after i returned to work from maternity leave. I married in 2007 to my husband i met in december 2003. I stopped the CA in june 2011 when i gained the internet and discovered id been foooled for 5years. Then a week before christmas, she gets a letter from DWP stating she should pay back a huge fine from fraudulantly claiming CA and thjats my fault too apparently.

My mum gets the child benefit for DD1, i didi contribute £12 a week under CSA calculator, mutually agreed in 2003 till 2005 till i found out she was in loads of debt and buying all sorts out of her means, and DD1 wasnt getting new clothes or food. I stopped this and put back £30 a week into DD1 bank, that my mum cant access. My solicitor agreed that its not appropriate to give money to my mum as i have 2 other children to accomodate for and only have DD1 1 night a week, thats never changed in 8years, my mum wont let me see her other than that.

From what you've said, I don't dispute that your mother loves your dd but it seems to me that her motivation in obtaining a residence order was primarily financial because, given the absence of social services in the proceedings, she could have cared for your dd on an informal basis until such time as your condition was under control.

Given that I've reached this conclusion based on 3 posts from you, I have some confidence that others will form similar a similar opinion especially as, as I've told you, your situation is not uncommon

However, I note that on babyhammock's post re CAFCASS you have made the comment that you believe that this organisation will have 'met its match in you'.

I would advise you not to take an antagonistic approach to any conversation or meeting you have with any CAFCASS officer as they are NOT your enemy at this point in time.

When interviewed, relate the whole history, as written by you above, in the same calm and factual manner as you've told it here, and provide copies of your supporting evidence - NHS/SS/CSA records etc.

In reaching judgement in this matter, the Court will take into account your dd1's wishes and in this respect CAFCASS may well prove to be your friend.

Has your dd1 expressed a wish to live with you and her half-siblings? If so, do you know whether she has made her wishes known to your mother?

On a separate note, I'm curious as to why your mother was allocated a 3-bed council property. Do you have any siblings that were living with her at the time she was rehoused?

My DD1 constantly chages her mind, last week she was crying that she didint want to go back to my mums, then the wees before she cried saying she didnt want to go to mine. My mother has told DD1 for years that "if you hug or love mummy she wont hug or love you back, thats just how mummy's made." so DD1 is always confused.

DD1 doesnt show the maturity or understanding of an 8,nearly 9year old. She doesnt change her mind about living with her half-siblings though. Her sisiters are very upset every time she goes back every weekend. Doesnt matter what DD1 wishes, my mother tells her she still got a lot of growing up to do.

My mother was given a 3 bedroom house in august telling the council my brother was movving with her, he stayed for the 1st 2 weeks and hasnt been back there since.

If your dd1 comes to live with you, will she need to change schools? If so, will she be able to attend the same school as her half-siblings?

No, they all go to the same school already, which is withing a 0.4mile radius from my and my mums addresses.

Do you see your dd1 every day when you go to and from the school?

What contact do you have with your mother? Is it restricted to when you or she collect/return dd1 for her weekly overnight stay, or do you perhaps visit her home or she visits yours with dd1 occasionally or on a regular basis?

No, i work from 8am till 10.30am then again from 2pm till 5pm so im at work during school runs, i drop DD2 and DD3 to childminder at 7.45am.

I only see DD1 when my mother drops her off at my address saturday between 8am and 10am, though thats geeting later and later each week, then shes overnight at mine till i have to return her to my mother sunday 6pm, yet shes requesting her earlier now. Thats the only time DD2 and DD3 get to see her too. My mother wont let me anywhere near her any other day stating shes busy, or in bed, or poorly, always an exuse.

Do you know whether your mother claimed benefits/allowances during any part of your childhood because of your epilepsy?

she claimed disablility living allowance which was turned down as i was in care at the time. My mother didnt bring me up after the age of 10.

Are you saying that you were taken into care at the age of 10 because SS had concerns about your mother's ability to care for you but that, when you were 18, SS considered that it was appropriate for your mother to care for your newborn?

Were you living with your mother when you had dd1? Did you at any time live in your mother's home with dd1?

How old was dd1 when your mother obtained the RO? Do you know if your mother receives a residence order allowance from SS in respect of dd1?

I apologise for all of these questions but, as I'm sure you've been advised, the Family Courts rarely overturn these orders and I'm hoping to be able to help you build the best possible case to put before Cafcass and subsequently present to the Court.

Although your mother holds a residence order in respect of dd1, your parental responsibiity is unaffected and you have the right to be consulted and have your say in all aspects of your dd's education, medical treatment, etc. '

However if, for example, you did not return your dd to your mother's home without her consent, the police would return her against your/her wishes if requested to do so by your mother.

In the normal course of events, as the ro was made prior to 2009 it will be discharged when your dd attains the age of 16yrs.

I would suggest that, for the foreseeable future, you keep any conversation you have with your mother in respect of dd1 and this matter to a minimum and that you put nothing in writing - stick to verbal communication only.

i was taken into care because of my mums ability to care for me, i was fitting upto 12 times a day at the time.when i was 18 and trusted my mum,who i thought wanted me back in her life,i was in a mother and babay unit full of drug users and fitting upto 5times a day, and deemed unsafe to care for a baby through no fault of my own.

ive never lived with my mum when i had DD1 at any time.
my mother obtained the RO when my DD1 was 6months old, but cared for her from 7weeks old.

my mother never consults me on anything in regards to DD1 and alwaystells me after the event.

i record evey contact i have with her, and i talk the minimum already.