XP having a baby

[TotallyImmersed]

I feel a bit weird about this, I have just found out my XP is having a baby with someone and it's due at the end of may.. which means she is 5 months gone! Yet I had never really given up hope that we would still one day be together, just before Christmas he was trying to get me to spend the night with him.. I'm so glad I didn't!

Now it's making me look over our whole relationship with him, how he would disappear for weekends back to the city he came from, keep his phone passworded, always made sure he logged out of FB, cleared internet history..

I completely trusted him, I think I have been blind?

It doesn't sound too good to be honest and must be a bit of a shock. It doesn't sound as if he's treating his new partner with any more respect either.

You say that you had hoped that you'd get back together but why did you split up? His behaviour when you were together doesn't sound great. Maybe you really are better off with him out of your life for good?

Sorry if its upset you though ie to find out about the baby etc.

Yes, you have. Love is frequently short sighted to the point of serious visual impairment, which I why I endeavour to keep my rose tinted specs locked away until I have satisfied myself that a recipient of my romantic love is worthy and deserving of my respect and affections.

Console yourself with the thought that you've had a very lucky escape as you could have easily been the unfortunate woman who is expecting his child while he continues to try to get his leg over with anything that moves whenever and wherever opportunity arises.

It was a shock, I only found out because my friend is a serial FB stalker and she found his profile..

We split up because I wasn't as nice to him as I should have been.. my relationship before him (my only other proper relationship) was severely fucked up! So I think I treated him quite badly

I'm not sure how I feel, on the one hand I feel relieved, because at least now I know for sure it's to going to happen.. Maybe a bit jealous, he did want babies with me, but I told him that I wanted to wait, get married etc.. also really sad, I still miss him a lot

You dont miss him, you miss the him you thought he was, or wanted him to be.

The real him, the liar, the cheat, the man who is trying to bed you while his pregnant GF waits at home, do you want him? Really?

I can understand you feeling jealous and I can appreciate the shock of it all. I guess it'll just take a few days to take it in.

Even though you say that you treated him badly, it doesn't sound as if he was angel. I suppose the only comfort is that you didn't have a child with someone who sounds v immature and is unfaithful. You're free to do as you please and not trapped with a child, in a dysfunctional relationship. Just learn from whatever mistakes you think you made when you were with him and you will move on, even if it takes a bit of time.

No, I don't..

I do wish I had confirmation as to why he left though.. I always assumed it was because I was horrible.. but he just left, he didn't contact me for 2 months. I wonder if he had met her then.. he wouldn't let me know where he lives, we were trying to send off the logbook for the car my sister sold to him (at 10% of the going rate for it) he wouldn't let us have it and she got fined because she couldn't send it off..

He never even picked up his stuff.. But he kept trying to get me to drive to his City (2 hour drive) to see him.. I know what his intentions were!

Well most people on here seem to think that the majority of men who instigate a split have another woman on the scene and what you've described would fit with that.

It does sound odd but would explain why he wouldn't give you his address. The fact he never even picked up his stuff suggests that he walked out of your house and straight in to someone elses.

I think you have to put it down to experience and move on.

Hi, pet! Agree with everyone else; you are in shock! Analyse your past relationship to try and discover when things started to go wrong. There used to be a wonderful person on here called When Will I Feel Normal who had a real insight into horrible situations!

Sending you very best wishes and hope that all works out well for you!

If I was your sister I would have said he had stolen it!

Just before he actually left he was working away most of the time (was working on the train tracks) and so he would only really stop in to eat/sleep if at all, but he told me he was staying with his nan when he didn't sleep here (who I'd never actually met)

It makes me sick to think he might have cheated on me. In fact I'm glad I had an STD check after him because otherwise I would be worrying right now..

Bogeyface... We didn't even think about that.. we should have done.. :/

So, how often did you see him?

I am wondering if you were actually the OW tbh :(

He was hardly there "worked away" and you dont know for sure where he was staying.

Bogey - that's what I was hinting at but didn't want to say

Sometimes it just has to be said though :(

Sorry OP

I just don't think I would call someone with whom I had a relationship like what the OP had with this man a DP - maybe a BF but the whole not meeting anyone and being on the railways and one story after another - smells to me

To start with he would come down every weekend, he had his own flat then and he worked on the lifts in the city, so commuting the 2 hours just wasn't possible, then after a while he got a temp job here and moved in with me.
The temp job ran out and he lived off me for a bit, and was supposed to help sort my house out, install kitchen etc so I didn't expect him to pay anything out, but he didn't do the work.
He then got accepted to train to work on the train tracks, but that company was based in the city he came from. So he stayed with his 'nan', he stayed here less and less (including not coming back for Valentines day last year because he was apparently working) until he just didn't come back one day

I have never met any of his family, but I still have his 'sister' on my FB (although she is actually his ex's sister, he was with the ex for a long time and before he left me he used to keep regular contact with the sister.

When I found out about this I asked her if she knew he was having a baby, she seemed really shocked.. I sent her a pic of my XP and his new DP that I was sent and she instantly recognised her and said that she doubts that XP would be the only possible father. This makes me sad for him, as he really wanted to have kids before he was 30, and is 29 in March. But at the same time, I know I shouldn't think it, but it has crossed my mind that maybe they are suited to each other!

Really confused thoughts today, and everyone seems to have found out about it and keep asking if I'm ok..

X-posts there.. He was my DP, I loved him very much. Still miss him sometimes

Sweetheart. He is spinning you and has spun you a line. And his ex's sister is shitstirring as well.

You need to move on, a man who can just leave and not come back really didn't have the feelings for you that you had for him.

I know you're right, I for the most-part, I am over him.. just in lonely moment, I idealise that he'll realise how much he has missed me and come home..

He still had sky set up in him name here for 6 months, I honestly thought that was because he was going to come back..

Anyway, it does't matter.. hope him and his new family are happy..