That very first incident of domestic violence

[SoggySocks]

I suffered a number of violent outbursts from my ex husband yet the main one that sticks in my head was that very first one. The one where I didn't know it was coming (because after that, I knew). I think I will always remember it. We were arguing about something pretty trivial and as we'd been together 2 years and he'd never been violent, I didn't for one second fear him so said my piece with confidence and he suddenly grabbed me by the hair, pulled my head downwards and shouted in my face that if I didn't shut up he'd "smash my face in". I shouted that he was hurting me, he let me go. I muttered something as I stormed past him and he dragged me back and punched me in the face. Not that hard - it felt hard at the time but I learnt from later attacks that he was actually being pretty restrained that time.
I know it's personal but I was wondering if others would be willing to share their very first memory of the violence. The first time it happened. Does it stick in your head more than the other attacks? Did you feel frightened of other partners after the seperation?

There were lots of 'little' things like him pulling the mattress off the bed and me falling onto thr floor. He then pushed the king size mattress down the stairs where it lay wedged for several days. There were loads of incidents like that. But the one that sticks in my mind was the time when we were bickering in the kitchen as he was cheesed off with the way I had put the cutlery away. I was chopping onions with my back to him. He came very close and I thought he was going to hug me. But he didn't. He shouted in my ear about wanting to murder me, simultaneously grabbing hold of my other cheek and pinching hard. Hd then slapped the same cheek 3 times. It shocked and scared me but I said nothing. I began chopping again. At the time, my biggest fear was that I would use the knife that was in my hand to defend myself. So I froze.

It's interesting and telling that the one that sticks in your head seperated is the time you ended up fearing for HIS safety.
It takes a certain kind of person to hurt someone with no remorse I feel.

First and last incident.

I was being verbally abused by him, and he was getting the dc to join in, so I said I was leaving the room. I got my bag, but he got my phone, so I reached to get it. The rest is a bit of a blur, but he pushed me over, kicked and punched and scratched, and then he bit me. He was like a wild animal.

And then when he bit me, everything stopped, and went into slow motion.

Then he threw himself to the floor and curled up like a baby, saying "please don't hurt me". I think that this freaked me out more than anything else.

I saw the gp, who called the police and ss, and he has not been in my home since.

There is no way I deserve that. And there is NO WAY that my children will ever be traumatised like that again.

No one deserves that. No one.