I am engaged to someone I love very much. I am pregnant and am quite ill with a preg related illness.
I worry quite a lot. The pregnancy wasn't planned and my OH was/is not very happy about it.
He is 35 and still lives at home with his mum, he stays with me a few nights then always needs to get away back to his mums, he states various different reasons but it's mainly because he is happier and more comfortable there. His mum does everything for him, but as I am now debilitated he has had to help out round here and it really stresses him out. I have a son (6) from a previous relationship, and I have had to get my mum to move in with me as I could not cope, am not sure I will be better until the baby comes, 6 months from now!
I thought that as we are having this baby that would mean we would live together, but he has not been keen and infact has told me he wants me to continue claiming working tax credits/HB as a single person! This really upset me and I told my mum who ended up having a big blazing row with him so now he doesn't want to come around here as he does not want to be around my mum.
His mum and I have not got the best relationship either as I have always felt a real coldness from her, although my OH will not hear a word against her.
I feel they have an unusually close relationship, which is to the detriment of him growing up and away from the nest. He literally does not lift a finger and is in fact unable to do even the most basic of household tasks.
OK so as I am writing this I am just thinking "you complete lunatic! why would you entertain a man like this?" Well, I did not go round to his family house at all, for about a year, and then when I did I was very much in love, of course I thought why on earth are you living with your mother, but his explanations (his dad died four years ago, it was convienent for work, his friends live in that area, expensive to buy/rent alone etc) seemed plausible.
However now that he would not be buying/renting alone and I have realised he hardly ever sees his friends to warrent being that close, and that he is not working all that close to his mums anymore, I realise he is just happiest there. He is able to be a lazy pampered prince and come and go as he pleases. The clothes left on his floor will appear clean and ironed back in his wardrobe. I don't provide that luxury service round here, even when I am able.
Is there anything I can do? Be totally pathetic and just hope that when the baby comes he will WANT to be here? Its all fucked isn't it?