Bloody lapdancing clubs....

[molschambers]

I'm being ridiculous. I know this but I need to get this off my chest as I have no one I can talk to about it.

YEARS ago (more than 10) DH went on a feckin stag do. He went to two "gentleman's" clubs. I have known about this since it happened. I decided not to make an issue of it as it was a one off. So why is it still festering away at the back of my mind? I don't think about it often but every now and again...

Lapdancing came up in conversation last night (after something was said about it on CBB). We'd both had a few drinks. I mentioned the time he'd been and we just got "chatting" about it. I was pushing for info really. But at the same time not really wanting to know. Which is pathetic. I know this.

Anyway I got pissed off and today I just feel a bit sick about the whole thing.

It was such a long time ago but I just can't bear the thought of the whole thing. Him ogling these girls and paying them to dance for him (boak). The whole concept makes me uncomfortable. God only knows where these women come from and what has led them to be there.

He doesn't see why it should piss me off now when it didn't then. I think at the time I pretended it didn't piss me off because I was very young and didn't want to be the killjoy wife. I refer to the women as "eastern european sex slaves" he argues they were nice girls trying to pay their way through college .

Just had to get that off my chest. Wish I could say it makes me feel better writing it down but I'm not sure it does.

Yes hoops, because a woman at work is REALLY going to tell a client how much she hates her job and how she feels about the customers sleezing over them isn't she? If you want to read real, unbiased accounts of what its like to work in the lap dancing scene then you should read Living Dolls by Natasha Walters.

Personally I've met sex workers of all kinds through my work and not a single one, NOT A SINGLE ONE, described it as a positive experience. They had all experienced childhood abuse and/ or were victims of trafficking.

It's all mn's fault! Blissful ignorance has something to be said for it!

I want to educate DH but I feel that it bothers me so much that I'm scared of bringing it up. Not sure I can be reasonable about it if he doesn't agree with me completely and immediately! It's going to get filed away in the back of my brain until next time isn't it? Ho hum. We sound so very dysfunctional. We're actually pretty good together over all.

Actually I think I may have to bring it up. In a "Okay I didn't ask you not to at the time. I feel differently about these places now because ..." kind of way.

Posie thanks for your link. Giving DH something like that to read would be enough I think to make me feel like I've made my point. Don't think that particular article is the right one. Link to prostitution would be a step too far for DH in terms of relating it back to what his own dubious experience.

He truly does think that the eastern european women in the "classier" of the two establishments were just there to earn money for their education, were making a fortune and quite happy. They sat chatting to them. Very civilised. Apart from the fact that, I would imagine, they were practically naked and available to dance suggestively for £X. [boak] I feel he's a bit naive.

mols, it's ok for your views on something to crystallise as you grow older, mature and get better educated about the things that may not have mattered to you so much at a different stage of life

I am a very vocal non-supporter of the sex industry, but when I was in my 20's I would have probably swallowed the "it's a woman's choice, and it's the men that are exploited" line

the thing is, I learned more and changed my mind

it would make a very stupid person who never did that, about anything

so, stop beating yourslf up about changing your view

if I were feeling as you are, I would talk to my H about where you are at now without blame or accusation for the past, and see what he says

he may pleasantly surprise you

many decent men, once they grow up themselves, have families and think with their head a bit more instead of their dick are not closed to the idea that the sex industry is bad for everyone

now, having said that, if you fear that conversation, IMO you have more problems in your marriage than a 10 yr old visit to a LDC

I think that an adult discussion is needed, perhaps you need your DH to just say that he regrets it or that his views have changed? Tell him.

[waves to Anyfucker, haven't seen you for a few daysxx]

hi there, PP x