found this on computer, please help me confront without breaking down

[needyouallnow]

Hi namechanger here,

I am on the EA thread so please dont out me if you know.

Long story short, emotionally abusive husband for alot of years, nothing ever good enough for him, totally worn me down to the point where I dont know who I am anymore or what I like doing etc, DCs also. Doesnt let me sleep properly, very cold emotionally. I have broached our problems with him several times - he doesnt see it, I get het up over nothing - do you want to split up over something stupid blah blah.

Anyway, though I am stronger now he still makes me feel all our problems are down to me.

Today I was checking what our DS had been looking at on the computer (he looks at videos COD , skyrim, which he knows hes not allowed - so I monitor this) anyway the history was deleted, so I googled how to check. I managed to find the cookies (totally crap with computers).

The cookies (you need to tell me if Im right here)tell you a time a website was accessed. Whern DH was in yesterday alone we were all at work/school adultfriendfinder was accessed and various other porn sites.

the ADF was to meet girls and swingers in your area, could this have been a pop up? porn tbh I'm not that bothered about but meeting people is a different matter. There are other "cookies" pictures etc but when I click them it just comes up with a command prompt. Does anyone know how I can tell what he has looked at or who he has spoken to?

I am shaking writing this, our relationship has been crap for a long time but I want to confront him with the facts - I want to make the break, with a reason that doesnt involve me being "too sensitive", "your'e mad", you are a schitzo etc (all things he says).

Total ramble - any help would be appreciated

no idea on computer stuff but wanted to hold your hand

Also know nothing about computers but wanted to say how sorry I am. You sound lovely and must try and be as strong as possible.

You are not mad or too senstive... just remember that. Your (D)H sounds horrid.

Thanks

Am a little calmer now, have come to work to focus on something else.

When I go home I will look again, (I got into a bit of frantic clicking and didnt know what I was doing)

off to look at shines thread

Thanks again xxx

A pop up window would not enable a cookie. A cookie is only put on your pc if you have clicked on that site.

This tells you how to recover deleted history.

If he is deleting his internet history then he obviously has things to hide. I don't know your history but from what is implied and what you've said, it sounds to me like he is trying very hard to make you believe that you are the cause of all the problems and quite frankly, why would you be with a man like that?

Hope you find some answers and a lot more strength.

Thankyou Rhu for that link I will try it later on.

Shine - I dont really care who he is chatting to I just want to know for my own needs really.

god - really want to go home and get my head round this.

xx

Once you discover the sites he's been visiting, do a screen grab by pressing the "Prt Scr" button located at the top right of your keyboard.
I usually then paste this into word or Paint and you can then print it off.

You will also be able to see the date that site was visited and in your history box you can choose an option to see which sites were most visited.

If he is making you think that you are paranoid, then this is your evidence.
Also, a lot of those sites are infected with viruses and trojan worms. So you could tell him that the PC is playing up, that you suspect a virus and you are going to take it to a professional pc fixer - see what his reaction is to that.

To check whether or not he has registered with any of the sites, check the box that says "forgotten password" and enter his email address. If his email address is not registered then it will come up with "email address unknown" or something similar, but if he is, then it will inform you that a password reminder has been sent to his email.
This also means that he gets the email so he will know you are on his trail, but you also have the advantage of mounting up more evidence.

Although if I were you, it sounds like you have a lot of history so I'd seriously consider just leaving. You don't need any evidence for this, you just stand firm and tell him to get lost.

Actually, he could have been doing this for months and have met up with women (or men) already. I would NOT be sleeping with him in case of std's. Sorry, but I doubt it's a one off

I know nothing of your relationship history which others seem to, so I'm not offering advice because I know you'll get some excellent help here.

But I do know about the computer thing. If you look at any porn site, you will also get those friendfinder things as a kind of pop-up. Always - the 2 almost come hand in hand: you don't sign up for the pop-ups, if you see what I mean. So although his looking at porn is far from ideal, please don't necessarily think that he is actively going out seeking sex elsewhere. Of course he may well be, but not on this evidence.

Good luck.

(Childishly I am snorting at my own 'come hand in hand' line - sorry to laugh on a serious thread!)

Ah but the pop up would not enable a cookie. You have to visit a website in order to enable the cookie.

So sorry to hear about the state of your relationship.
If you want to leave, you don't have to have a reason that he will find acceptable.
Wanting to leave is a perfectly good reason.
You need to stop caring what he thinks about that or anything else.

Ah Rhubarb, didn't know that

I want a cookie now

adult friend finder does not come in pop up for your average porn sites.

Right, practical head on now.

Thankyou for the replies, I will use the techy advice I have been given to check further into things when I am alone in the house.

Cookie monster and hand in hand so funny, need this now!

Its really hard to explain why I NEED to know, I dont know how to put it into words either

Thanks again I really do appreciate it. Will let you know any developments xx

Well: knowledge is power, I guess, in this as in all things. Wishing all the absolute best, at any rate.

Thanks pimp xx

Actually, the situation with cookies isn't that straightforward, cookies can be left by pop-ups, even for for pop-up windows that are successfully blocked, some browsers will pre-fetch the pages that are linked to the current page you're viewing and possibly leave you with cookies for pages/sites you've never even seen. Adultfriendfinder is a notoriously annoying tracking-cookie-setter.

Technically that is possible but the pop up would need to be there long enough to leave a cookie on your computer.
However in my experience, most pop-up blockers are now very good at dealing with this issue and the vast majority of cookies come from sites visited.
However all of this would be contained in the internet history - so if he has visited adult friend finder then each page visited would be in the history.

If she resets her computer to a previous time, then anything he has deleted will be restored and she'll be able to see exactly what he's been up to.

If you feel the need to snoop through your partner's internet history to see if they've been up to anything, you're already ignoring quite a sizeable elephant in the room

Cookies can be left by popups. If he's browsed through porn sites then it's highly likely he'll have a cookie for AFF, whether he's done anything on AFF or not.

It's red herring season.

Things like adult friend finder can pop up from non porn sites as well. I was searching for a totally innocent movie last night and had loads of these pop ups, they showed up in my cookies also.

If your H is making you feel so insecure and rubbish then you know you don't need another reason to leave. Your reason is you're not happy, end of.
He doesn't sound like the type of man who would take you seriously anyway.