I have posted before but too sleep deprived to find the link. But briefly, thirty something, married 6, together 10, no kids, marriage unwound the last couple of years. DH switched off about a year ago... We are both equally responsible for the deterioration. Homestly we are. I've been sorting my stuff out, he's been in self destruct mode including having an affair with a colleague recently (definitely only a recent thing, please don't question that)
DH asked for a separation on 7th Jan, then back tracked and we've been yo-yoing ever since. I asked him to finally go and get counselling for him, which he'd been talking about for months, to tell his mum about the affair (she was far more useless than I imagined) and to stop all contact with the OW. They do work in the same team but at different sites so business contact and polite conversation are necessary but I said no lunches, no Facebook, no email and no texts. I've been trying to give him a little time to 'de-fog' as it were and he told his mum and is seeing a counsellor. He also told the OW that everything had to 'stop'.
Last night he told me that he is having lunch with the OW on Friday as he is at her site (where BTW I also work). I just looked at my hands, said 'that's not ok'... Then he started getting defensive including the chestnut of 'I can't just cut all contact with someone I've slept with'... Errr yes you can. I went upstairs and stayed out the way until I heard him go to bed.
So I've not slept and I'm waiting for 7am. I intend to wake him with a cup of tea and when he's come round tell him the truth - social contact with the OW is deeply disrespectful and hurtful to me. If he wishes to remain friends with someone he fucked, he can do it without a wife.
Please hold my hand...