Just checking...but am i over him? People say its too soon other say go for it?

[EllenandBump]

So heres the thing, some people say i am over him and seem to be back to "me" again, others say it takes a lot longer and i must be sort of putting on a front or supressing it....except i dont feel like it.

My and my exH, split nearly 3 months ago, but our marriage hadnt been good for sometime, in fact he was going to leave me but found out i was pregnant so didnt, that was over 2years ago. Throughout the pregnancy things were on and off and have been since having LO, one minute i was a great mum and he loved me, the next i was a useless, unfit mother a slag....you get the picture.

I think really before i left him i was over actually loving him, he was abusive verbally, physically, emotionally and financially. He was doing drug and drinking a lot. I could not take any more of it and any more of the lies.

I have moved some distance away from him and cut all ties completely. No phone, email, facebook, written (unless through a solicitor) contact with him. I feel absolutely on top of the world and ready to start enjoying another man's company. However, some people are saying you should go for it and enjoy it as much as possible, whilst others are saying, how can you possibly be ready? I know i am an outrageous flirt...but I AM single, so not harming anyone.

I really wanted anyones opinion....Am i ready? Or is it too soon? I am currently also trying to find somewhere to live, sort contact arrangements out and divorce too! I think some nice company, with someone who doesnt know me so wont be treading on eggshells and with kiddi gloves, like i will break would be a good, confidence boosting addition.

AM I READY??

Confidence should come from within, though. What's the tearing hurry?

I think after such a volatile and abusive relationship you ought be gentle to yourself for a while, and nurture yourself. When you are ready, you won't be asking us if you are.

I suggest you put your energies into finding and creating a new home and sorting out contact arrangements and the minutiae of your divorce and at least get the nisi under your belt before you go for it in relation to another guy.

Iif a little relief should hove in to view there'll be no harm in having some casual fun, but please be aware that unless you know precisely how and why you went wrong last time, the chances are you'll pick another useless knob to live with/marry.

Sort the home and divorce, enjoy your new found freedom and live happily with your child, give them your time, if and when someone comes along enjoy them too but why the hurry?

Glad you are feeling happy about things.

I know exactly what went wrong with my ex. My FIL died and he changed, he started doing more and more cocaine and alcohol and had always been violent on large amounts of alcohol, in the end i was treading on egg shells trying not to upset him for any reason. I know what went wrong there.

Just want a bit of male company really, all my friends seem to be female, and stupid as it sounds but i was always a man's girl. I always liked male company and up until my ex drove almost all my friends away more of my friends prior to meeting him were male than they were female. Just me i suppose.

I am concentrating sooo hard on getting somewhere to live but the whole process seems to be taking forever, just want a roof. Which isnt too mucch to ask really. I wont rush anything, like i have said, just take things slowly and see where it leads. Quite hesitant about giving out my mobile number though too.

Ellen, I agree with the other posters. Take things slowly. Even when a relationship has been dead well before the actual separation, you still need time to adjust.

You're quite right to be cautious about giving out your phone number. Get yourself the cheapest PAYG phone you can find and use that exclusively for any dating. That's a very common precaution adopted by those using dating sites.

If you've always described yourself as a 'man's girl' Ellen, be careful that you don't become vulnerable to the attentions of attached men. This would be a good time to strengthen your woman friendships and take these to a deeper level than your marriage permitted.

I did my mourning for the relationship while I was still in my first marriage so was over him by the time I actually ended it.

I was dating again before he even moved out. It was great to have fun male company (ex was emotionally abusive and we hardly ever had sex). I was dealing with a whole load of stuff as anyone in that situation does but it was great to take a time out for dinner and a shag with a nice man.

Sure I was vulnerable but I wasn't stupid. I had wasted a lot of time with my ex and leaving him was about no longer having my life on hold.

Hi only you can know if you are ready, I left my ExH in January after months of emotional abuse and was very raw. I then met my new husband only 3 months later at the end of March and the good news is we have been together 10 years nearly, married for 5years, have a DS 2.5 and one on the way. In the meantime I got to know myself we took it very slow and I did a University degree which got my self confidence back.

Look at this as a chance to be you for a while, if you want to date go ahead if not don't just go out and enjoy life.

I felt nothing but relief when exH left in the January, I was dating again in the March, the male attention was doing wonders for my self esteem as ex used to make me feel like the ugliest worthless person on the planet.
I had fun, I'm sure you will too.

Everyone is different, try, however not to plunge into a "heavy" relationship just yet.

I wont be jumping into a heavy relationship any time soon. This person, is very busy at work and moving so therefore has little time and i only have money for a baysitter maybe once a week, so nothing too heavy, just some fun and enjoyment.

I am not going head first into a n ew relationship and nor will i allow anyone to make me feel vunerable or take advantage. I AM strong. I have come this far and i will never go back!