STBXP is hinting that a friend's DP is cheating.. WWYD?

[Ithinkineedtogrowapair]

Currently in the throes of a difficult breakup (see here. Last night, when telling STBXP that a minimum condition for anyone to stay in the case where there's been infidelity would be eg no longer a password blocked computer or at least that I know the password (and him saying this is ridiculous), he said he didn't know any man who left open access to his computer.

I gave an example of a friend's DP whose email seems to be always open/ available on the computer, and he said, ah but you don't know about his other email account. Basically going on to suggest that this friend's DP a) has a dodgy email account b) is using it for various cheating type activities.

Friend has two small children as well, new baby from this autumn, they seem pretty happy, although not free from the usual strains of small children. My STBXP is also not the most reliable of people, and could well be exaggerating to prove that his unfaithful behaviour is somehow "normal".

I'm thinking that it would not be a good idea to somehow inform her of this. A) since STBXP is unreliable
B) i havent seen anything myself to prove it
C) has the potential to cause massive destruction to her relationship on as I say quite unreliable evidence.

OTOH I feel very uncomfortable knowing that this is potentially the case and that my friend could be being betrayed by her DP....

WWYD?

Ignore him, he is trying to get a reaction from you.

You have no proof, just your ex's words.

Sounds like he's making things up to prove a point. Leave it, and stop engaging with him!

he's projecting what he would do onto an innocent bystander- ignore

Please, please ignore this. He is likely talking bullshit and you could cause so much upset for your friend and her family for absolutely no reason at all.
He sounds hideous btw. Sounds like you need him out of your life asap.

Thanks for all your responses... it's such a good place to get feedback on these kinds of things and also to get my initial feeling on this confirmed. I agree, best not to say anything at all, since it's totally unreliable.

Just horrible thinking about it being a possibility and feeling quite shocked for my friend :(

I doubt its true tbh. It seems like he is just trying to manipulate you into thinking that his behaviour is normal. To say that no man leaves open access to a computer is just utter bollocks. Id just disregard what he said completely.

He is a nasty piece of work. He has planted a seed of doubt in your brain. There is no way you can find out the truth about what he says without causing a great deal of damage.
Your STBXP has done this deliberatly.
Please ignore what he said, get rid asap and stop engaging with him

As you've surmised, it's just a little something he's thought up to get you believing that he's not done anything particularly wrong as 'all men are at it - look at so&so down the road'.

Forget what may or may not be going on in your friend's relationship - stick the blinkers on and concentrate on yours.

Now I think about it this is the second time recently he's told me about a friend of mine's DP misbehaving. Last time a drunken snog when they were all out, was not terribly surprised in that particular case given that DP's record for drinking himself to oblivion.

Obv a strategy to soften me up.

I would mention it to your friend's husband. I'd tell him that your DP is probably projecting as you'd hate to think its true. Hopefully this other man will deal with it directly with your partner. Either way, both men will learn their lesson! X

If you're giving him 'minimum conditions' that suggests you're willing to renege on your decision to leave him, so he has been given an inch and is taking a mile. Be careful you're not giving him mixed messages like this. If you want out, you've got to make sure everything you say and do supports that decision.

I would second the suggestion to speak to your friend's husband, so that he knows your ex is shit-stirring. The more friends you've got who know what he's like and will be on your side, the better.

That's called projection

He is talking about his own behaviour and attitudes

He is also trying to create arguments between yourself and your friends, so you will be isolated from them

I thought you were breaking up with this man ? If so, why are you having pointless conversations about other people's relationships ? Get this stupid man out of your headspace...he is fucking with you.