So me and DP have been going to Relate counselling. To keep a long story short, one of the points of contention between us is his brother, who has no girlfriend or family of his own and comes round to ours virtually everyday, and furthermore is often aggressive and abusive towards us. In the last few months he has also started to harrass me, following me home etc. My partner just won't or can't do anything about it, he makes excuses for him all the time like he's depressed.
The Relate counsellor advised us to compromise on how often we see him - of course I would happily never see him again, except at family occasions like weddings and funerals, whereas my partner wants him to continue to visit us regularly - and we came up with an agreement that he could come round once a week on a fixed day, e.g. Tuesdays. My partner told him about this (and he's had a mardy and not been round since) but it hasn't stopped him hassling me. So last week I rang Women's Aid for some advice. The woman I spoke to was completely shocked that Relate had advised us to compromise, particularly as he has physically threatened me one time. She made me see that it's perfectly reasonable of me to not want him in my house and some things have to be deal-breakers.
So I lost faith in the Relate counsellor, understandably right? And yesterday I phoned Relate to request another counsellor. I was put through to a supervisor who asked why I wanted to change counsellor. Initially I just said coz it's not working out but she pushed and pushed and in the end I was completely honest and said because I felt the counsellor gave us poor advice, told her all about the situation and the conflicting advice WA gave me about it. She then very snittily said that I have to make up my own mind about what to do, and I said oh don't worry, I have - I was never comfortable with this whole compromise thing and talking to WA has made me realise that that's ok. She said, again really snittily, well, why don't you be bold and in your next session tell your current counsellor you think she gave you rubbish advice and get it all out in the open? She then said we could have another counsellor but we'd have to start again from scratch. I said because of the financial implications of starting over (Relate is damn expensive) I'd have to think about it. I then put down the phone and burst into tears.
She made me feel so stupid, like I was making a fuss about nothing. As did the counsellor and as does my DP. The only person I feel has really listened to and understood where I'm coming from is the woman at WA.
When DP got home I told him all about it and we agreed not to go anymore - we can't afford to start over and if I don't trust the counsellor there's no point. DP wasn't overly bothered about going, he (unbelievably) feels we don't need it - it was my initiative.
I feel like I'm now trapped in an unhappy relationship with no means to make things better. His brother is not the only problem we have. Regarding that, I've told DP I won't have him in the house. DP said he would think about it. At some point brother dearest will come out of his mardy and start trying to come round again and then I don't know what will happen. I know that if he harasses me again sod family harmony - I'm calling the police.