Mum contacted me 1 month after breaking contact...

[itspeanutbutterjellytime]

She texted me asking how I am and if I still want to be left alone (?! She was the one who initiated the break). I can do without her and particularly my father in my life, constantly judging everything I do. How can I say in the nicest possible way that I'm fine, but I don't want contact? I don't want to be unnecessarily rude because no matter what, I'm not an impolite person to anyone.

The relationship has run its course as far as I'm concerned and I'm happier since cutting contact than I've been in... Well, ever I think. Even friends have noticed!

I can't link, but if you search my name in talk or my Christmas name itsbrandybutterandtinseltime, the story shall emerge! I have yet to master this searching back and linking lark, I do apologise!

I'm also curious as to whether my dad knows she's done this; she has texted me in secret before and asked me not to tell him I've been speaking to her and upon hearing that, I advised her to delete her call and text history, which she then did.

If you want to go no-contact, that's what you do. Just don't answer.
If you're going to worry about looking rude, then you might as well give up now. If you care more about your toxic parents' feelings than your own, prepare to go back to exactly how things were before?only worse, because they'll know that whatever they do to you, you won't be able to bring yourself to really go no-contact.

I know I should be better at this!

I didn't know whether under the circumstances I should just ignore? There's still this huge part of my mum for who she used to be. Not who she is now.

If you're happier since cutting contact, then delete the message and go about your new happy life.

If you respond, then you effectively give her permission to continue to contact you, and should you ever decide to go no contact again then it's going to be that much harder to convince her that no contact MEANS no contact, not no contact for a month.

What should I do with regards to birthday/Christmas presents she sends for DS? Do I send a thank you card just like i do everyone else?

I'd return them, personally. No note, nothing.

Accepting them, to me, is a green light to further contact.

I have the same situation. I have never responded as I don not want contact. I don't send presents, cards, letters back, I keep the nasty venemous letters and bin the rest. I have moved and not told them, soon the re-direction will run out so that should be that!

Any contact is giving her the message that you want contact, that its ok for her to send gifts etc, why would you send a thank you card? Are you sure you defimtley want no contact?

Yes I don't want to be in this relationship anymore. The trouble was at Christmas she sent a present to my aunts house; my ds had opened it and was playing with it like lightning so I couldn't really take it off him. I didn't send her gifts; she didn't send me any either, just ds. I also didn't want to appear like I was a horrid mummy, taking presents off my little boy.

I had the same problem in that my 'd'm stopped speaking to me and then sent the vicar to see us because 'she was very upset that we weren't speaking to her' - wtf. We'd been tricked into moving in with her to support her.

We left about 6 weeks later and had 4 years of anonymous letters etc.

That was in 1992. She died last week and has apparently forbidden me to go to her funeral.

Oh tb that's terrible I'm sorry she is still 'speaking from beyond the grave' so to speak!

It's just when this kind of thing happens, I still question myself, wonder if I'm right etc...

I still have this sick feeling she's being lead by my dad and is doing it for an easy life.

Never mind if your mum is leading your dad.

If YOU, as an adult with the right to make your own choices and live your own life, are happier without the contact of these people then what does it matter if actually, it's your Dad who made the decision and not your Mum?

You have the choice of whether to delete the text, and carry on in your new happier life, or to reply in any form and open the door to contact continuing (which we have to assume would make you unhappier) - you, not them.

PeanutButterJelly, I read your posts on StatelyHomes. The parts you can remember about your dad's behaviour are sexual abuse, and you don't know what you can't remember. Your mum didn't protect you, and they both emotionally abused you.

Doesn't matter if she is "being led by" your dad - she has a choice not to do that. She is still responsible for her own actions.

You are not being a horrid mum by refusing to accept your mum's presents for your ds. You are being a good mum by protecting him from a relationship with those people.

Presents to the charity shop, cards in the bin. Don't return them, don't send thanks.

If your mum is going to manipulate you by sending things to relatives houses, ask the relatives to bin them for you. If they start saying "ah, poor boy, let him have the toys" try saying "they are child-abusers, we don't want their gifts" which takes some guts to say but does shut people up nicely ...