anxious husband making life very stressful

[TiredPlainJane]

Name change. Can't be bothered with the pom bear, nobdies, etc etc. My husband suffers from anxiety and depression, made worse by the fact that he, I and DS 18 mo are living in a small 1 bed house and can't move. At the moment he spends much of his time sniping and yelling at me. Any tips for coping? (Not leave the bastard!)

Has he had any help/medication to help with his depression?

It's horrible feeling cooped up. Who is in paid employment, if any, are there any other stresses? hugs to you both x

You get some support for yourself. Look up the MIND website there might be some links to support groups for you and the kids. it can and will pass, but it sounds like the physical surrounding are not much help. During my early diagnosis for depression, there was help for the whole family as depression does not happen in a vacum. get a referral from the gp. and again, is he medicated

the obvious starting point is what treatment is he having? at this stage it isn't working. he needs to tell the doctor that he is feeling very irritable etc. if he is on a medication route it may be the wrong one or the wrong dose.

has he had some training in relaxation and anxiety management? is he using those strategies? if not that's an avenue that needs exploring.

i think also that you have to have boundaries even though compassionate towards him whereby you are not a dumping ground for his negative emotion. you could do with a stock phrase that let's him know when he is being unfair to you - maybe discuss it during a good time and let him know that you understand him feeling like that must be hard etc and that he doesn't intend to be like that but that it still affects you and your child and you need to come up with ways to prevent or minimise that eg. can he go to the bedroom and meditate/nap/read/whatever calms him and lets him regroup for half an hour? can he go out and walk - exercise is really helpful. there needs to be some onus on him to manage this proactively, he needs to recognise when it is happening and either communicate by talking it through as simply as saying i feel really 'x' so i'm going to do 'y' and then go and do it.

you can be totally supportive whilst also drawing boundaries to protect you and your son. someone projecting this stuff outwards can create a really negative environment and really effect the people around them.

also i'd say reflect back to him how he is acting and ask how he is feeling - so you seem to be really irritable and stressed at the minute - are you? what do you need now to feel better? it's not saying you're making us miserable you grumpy bastard but it is a gentle nudge reminder that this is his internal state not yours or the environments and only he can take action to change it.

Are you on a waiting list for more appropriate housing? Does he work?