Men/Dating - why do I always back off?

[MuckyCarpet]

I've been speaking to a guy this past week or so (not the one in my other thread!) who seems really nice. It's a bit of an odd one because despite contact initiating from POF we've since learnt that we actually go to the same uni (totally different courses though) so a meet with be simple enough! And - Friday night I was out and was stood next to him at the bar, neither of us noticed until he saw a pic of me from that night which confirmed it was me as he thought.

"Fate" is certainly helping this one along so why on earth am I terrified to take it to the next level? he wanted to phone me yesterday - I said he could and then let the phone ring off and made up an excuse I text that today would be better whilst kids at school - so he's just text me asking if I had time to chat and I told him I was out. WTF is wrong with me?? I'm not trying to put him off btw, I do like the sound of him. He's now ringing back at 2pm and I'm terrified of answering it, same was as I'll be terrified of meeting him.

I have been like this with EVERY other person I've been in contact with online. Most of them get bored (understandably) and bugger off.

Why do I do it? is it my sub concious telling me I'm not ready for this?

Yes, perhaps. I'm watching this one with interest as I've done this in the past. I think I used to pick people who I felt unsure about/were a little bit dodgy so I had a valid reason for keeping them at arms length. I've decided I'm terrified of intimacy but still have no idea why...

It's so weird, it all seems like a good idea until it gets a little too 'real' and then all these things start popping in my head such as "actually, it's kinda cool being single" and "do you really want to deal with this extra hassle right now?"

I can't work if it's my mind being too lazy to want to accept something new into my life, fear of rejection, sub-conscience telling me I'm not ready, fear of not being able to stop something if it starts up ... I really don't know.

Maybe it isn't what you really want right now. Our society puts a lot of pressure on single people to get out there and find "the one." It can be a shock to realise that being single can be just fine and in some situations preferable. There are plenty of bonuses to not being in a relationship! Perhaps you're backing off because you're going after something that you aren't all that keen on having, but feel you should want.

There could be something in that Holmes. I do kind of like being single and would ideally like a part time boyfriend - something for the weekend so to speak. Not sex, just a bit of male company. I do have friends so it's not that I need a man for a social life.

I agree with ISayHolmes. I'm just the same. If someone shows an interest in me and there is a real possibility of it going further I run a mile but I too am very happily single, love my life, don't miss having a man at all and really don't want full on full time relationship.

The dressing up, the slap, the primping and preening, the wondering if they'll like you or if you'll be repulsed bored rigid by them.

It's just that when it comes to it, you can't be arsed... but you can't be arsed, you're unlikely to find something for the weekend.

This one sounds a lot more promising than the knob of the first water on your other thread. At least speak to the poor fucker!!

you are being a little presumptious in that you think this might lead to a full-blown relationship. meet the chap, he might have similar ideas to you about what he wants (part time girlfriend?!) if he does, great, give him one for me... if not, fine. (don't give him one for me, it'll get complaicated quite quickly!)