Thoughts about your Ex..

[MummyJules]

I just can't stop thinking about my ex fiance (6 yrs ago. Now DP's and mine relationship has broken down completely. I can't help thinking about my last biggie relationship. I think it's because it was the last time that I actually felt loved/wanted e.t.c (I know get the tissues out...) anyway the thing is it is completely doing my head in and I know there is no point in thinking the things I am thinking. Does anyone have any advice on how I can rationalise with this all?

think why you split up and all the negative things like
"did he have chockyjocks"

lol... Thanks doormat. God this is driving me crazy. I think I must still be in love with him

Make a big list of all the irritating things about him. That horrible t-shirt he used to wear, all his annoying little habits, the time you had that really big screaming row, etc etc etc. Keep it, and have a read whenever you're feeling a bit wobbly.

It's so easy to romanticise past relationships when you're going through a bad time. You're probably not still in love with him but the warm happy memories (probably the edited version of what the relationship was really like?) are keeping you company at a time when you're feeling down. Once you start to pick yourself up again you'll probably find the thoughts of ex-fiance fade.

also try to think about moving forward not backwards
you have been there, done that, time to explore something new
xxx

Thanks for your words of advice! I will try and make a big list of cons although I can only think of one minor one which isn't putting me off in the slightest. I am so tempted to e-mail him but I think it might be a stupid idea!

Very very very very very very stupid idea.

Yes it is true. Just had a chat with my best mate who knows exactly what I am going through - He has put some sense into me but I still can't stop thinking about him... Nevermind I guess it is just a feeling I am going to have to get used to having.

Hi MJ - just going through a break up myself (see my post on "Just broken up - can we be friends?") so can empathise. When I'm tempted to call/e-mail XDP I ring a friend and talk about it instead or read a self-help book ("Women who love too much" at the moment - sad I know but it does help!) or do anything to distract myself. Then I feel so much better about myself if I manage to get through without calling him.

Not exactly the same as your situation I know but I think what you're experiencing is the desire to avoid feeling your loneliness - a bit of escapism. It will pass, believe me. Give yourslef time. How awful would it be if you contacted your ex and ended up in a bad relationship that would just prolong your pain?

MJ, you cannot possibly be in love with someone you haven't been with for the last 6 yrs. You are in love with the idea of him as he was all that time ago.
After a break-up your self esteem can feel really battered and bruised and you want to feel gorgeous and loved. However, the person who can make you feel that better than anyone else is ..... yourself!
I am a strong advocate of counselling. After my dh and I divorced I got some counselling & it has been a revelation. I feel so strong and resiliant now and really positive about the future and the fact that I am in control of my own destiny & feelings.
Give yourself time too, your emotions need to settle down a bit as the aftermath of a break up is very unsettling.