I need to stop gossiping

[2012blues]

I feel awful. I have a tendency to gossip and I have been trying very hard in recent years to stop it. It's not an attractive trait and I don't particularly like.

However every now and then it just comes out. A friend told me a detail about a friend recently which, whilst not exactly a secret and it happened a very long time ago, it's not something I think the original friend wants discussed.

However, the subject kind of came up in conversation with a different friend last week and I just blurted it out. I feel awful.

I have been awake all night worrying that someone overheard me telling this person and it will get back to her. She'd be really upset and I really like her. I know this is highly unlikely as anyone nearby would have to have been a) listening very closely b)know who my friend was and c) care, but I can't stop being paranoid.

I'm not particularly expecting sympathy but I need a good slap.

Hi blues, you can slap me too, it's a hard trait to get rid off, I do it and catch myself now and again, but don't be too hard on yourself, I found admitting I do it harder than stopping.

At the end of the day you really are trying to not do it and you won't do it again for a while because of how upset you currently feel.

Yes you do. Any time you're about to open your mouth, you could try saying to yourself 'How would I feel if someone said this to people about me behind my back?'

I'm a bit like that and I now openly tell people that I am terrible at keeping things a secret and warn them to think twice before they impart any gossip around me unless it's open for common knowledge.

Oddly though am very good at confidentiality at work; that's not a problem for me at all thank goodness.

Thank you.

I have been thinking about it a lot today. I'm actually very good when friends confide in me, and I'm very good at keeping things to myself, to the point that I've actually annoyed other friends when they have found out I have known all along .

It tends to be when a third party tells me something. It tends to all spill out.

I used to be terrible for this, anything for an "Interesting conversation" and I loved to be the one that had the juice. However I became friends with someone who was a million times worse than I was and after she told me really private and personal stuff about other people I began to keep my own private and personal details to myself, knowing full well that she'd gossip about me too as soon as my back was turned. It made me realise!
I still find it hard not to share if I have a bit of gossip but I do control myself now.

I think most people enjoy a bit of gossip, and in my experience it is those that tell you "you know me I never gossip" who are the very worst. I would consider myself to be a loyal and trustworthy friend, but I am a bit of a gossip

I always steer well clear of anyone who gossips inappropriately - very unpleasant trait IMO.

I always ask people if they tell me something really big 'I'm guessing you don't want me to mention this to anyone else' and I also tell people if I don't want anything passing on. I would never break a secret to a friend, but if it's chit chat about who snogged who at the school disco twenty years ago, I wouldn't lose sleep over it.

I used to be a gossip but decided to try and rectify it by just gossiping to my other half who isn't remotely interested but I feel relief......... :}

I think you are all very good for acknowledging this. I am not a gossip. Whatever anyone tells me stays with me and I look at it like this. The only news I pass on is owned by me. If someone tells me something about them, it is THEIR news and for them to discuss as they see fit. I don't have to try hard at my approach and it can come across as though I am disenterested - so I'm told. Plus, I don't have a great deal of cranial capacity so having a bad memory helps me to be who I am!

I think for those of you that openly tell people that you love a gossip, it gives your friends and family an opportunity to withold certain information and everyone knows where they stand. Good solution!

Anything that comes "from the horses mouth", I'm very good at keeping my mouth firmly shut.

Anything that comes from a third party, well I figure they'll have also told others too and although I'm not actively going around looking for people to impart the juicy information to, if it crops up in conversation I usually say something.

I think you are right to try and control this tendency to betray people's trust in you.