really worried

[oscarthegrouch]

my brother, who is 29 has met this fantastic girl and hes been spending a lot of time with her, ive met her and they are lovely with eachother and have been friends for a couple of years before they've began seeing eachother romantically. I can tell that they completely dote on eachother.

Thing is he told me the other day he has some kind of issue with committing to a relationship. He told me he struggles to get close to anyone and because he is such close friends with this girl, he doesnt want to try the relationship route with her incase he feels like its too much and their friendship is ruined aswell. He said his head is so messed up at the minute (he's had one long term relationship which ended just over a year ago mutually, but he lived with his gf).

He was at mine today and we had a little chat and he told me that his doctor has prescribed antidepressants for him and that its been suggested he goes to therapy. I dont know if anyone has any advice on how i can support him through this, i think it would be a terrible shame if he pushes this girl away because i havent seen him so happy for a long time. tia

Keep listening, and let him work his way through it imo

i know that if i was the girl i might be a bit worried that he maybe just "isnt that into her" but i know thats not the case, i dont want her to feel like shes just there until he finds someone better. ive honestly never seen him like this with anyone, even his ex

Tell him to be honest. Girls are far harder to scare off than guys, and it's flattering to be confided in.

I really like you but find that scary so need time to get used to it

kind of thing

thank you purple. thing that worried me most, i forgot to add to original post, he feels that he is destined to be alone because of this "fear" he has. He cant live like that

Cliche alert - feel the fear and do it anyway

from what I gather, the girl is willing to just go with the flow and see what happens rather than put a label on what they are. I really hope he gets over this, i always thought committment/relationship fear was just something people use to get out of situations

Sounds like he needs a bit of zen living in the here and now, otherwise the conflict between "i like my single life" and "i like this girl" will become too terrifying

Just because you want him to be with this girl doesnt mean he should be.

YOu sound pushy. Just be there for him and listen, dont tell him what to do or offer advice, just listen.

I second that he should talk to her about how he is feeling. Do you think you could convince him to do that?

Do you think he will get some therapy?

It's lovely you have such a close relationship with your brother.

im not pushy, i havent said any of this to him!!!

is he going to take gp up on the therapy idea?

I think so, I was wondering what that would entail with the reason being a fear of intimacy i suppose

not sure but if hes really that worried it would be worth a try.