Family fued and birthday parties, advice needed please.

[breeze]

Just thought I would ask you guys, being such wise mumsnetters.

OK, It is my wonderful little boys 4th birthday on Sunday. I am having a family party and invited everyone close on both sides. Now about 4 years ago my mum fell out with her sister and mother (my mum went into hospital for a bypass and neither mum nor sister went to see her or even phone her to ask how she was) there had been no falling out at this time, so obviously my mum was hurt, I had received texts asking how she was, but told them what ward she was on and go and see her 9they never did)

Well aunty and nan have decided that as my mum is going to be there, they are not going to come, as do not want to cause an atmosphere, my mum loves her grandson as has told me that she would be civil, my aunties reaction to this was that "Its all a bit false", and which I replied "No not really as people are doing it for my son".

I am so annoyed that it seems that they care more about the fued with my mum then they do about my son. I often gets calls from my aunty (who I am normally quite close to) and my nan is not very nice and she doesn't have a kind word to say about anyone, especially my mum.

My dh side also have mum and sister who dont get on, but they turn up and manage to have a nice conversations, so why cant they. My dh is in fact livid and wants to phone them and say either come to the party or sont bother coming, the thing is as some of you know my health has been bad the last 6 months and on Tuesday I am back at the hopsital for another operation, and with that on my mind I really dont need this, I though the party would be a good distraction, I really do not need this.

There will be about 18 people there so not as if they would be forced to sit next to each other.

I wonder about future weddings/funerals etc, its all really silly.

I just wanted some advice outside the family, because dh and sil who are getting annoyed and upset on my behalf are probably not thinking
rationally.

TIA

I would say Breezey(nice to have you back btw) that if they cant behave like adults and dont weant to come its their loss. Simple.

I second Codswallop. Don't worry about it. If they don't want to come, then it IS their loss. It's not your job to tiptoe round them and negotiate. They are adults and you don't have to look after them and neither does anyone else. It's just a waste of emotional energy. Certainly don't worry about future weddings/funerals! Who knows what the future will bring and you can't improve it by worrying about it. Sail through it all serenely and enjoy your ds's party

I second Codswallop. Don't worry about it. If they don't want to come, then it IS their loss. It's not your job to tiptoe round them and negotiate. They are adults and you don't have to look after them and neither does anyone else. It's just a waste of emotional energy. Certainly don't worry about future weddings/funerals! Who knows what the future will bring and you can't improve it by worrying about it. Sail through it all serenely and enjoy your ds's party

I agree with Codswallop - you have invited them, they don't want to come - sod 'em!!
I wouldn't get worked up about it - two less to cater for! My dh's family are always feuding and it is a nightmare - you never know who is and who isn't talking and my mil always used to expect us to side with her - she was soon told that I talk to who I like not who she likes . It does make family gatherings difficult though.

Another one who agrees with coddy
sod them

they have been invited and they dont want to come
if they can behave like adults for a child I wouldnt want to know.

Sounds like you and your mum are doing all that you can be expected to do - as you say, it's a shame that your auntie can't see it the same way (as you have said you are close to her) - but you will have your wonderful son, your mum and the rest of your family with you and will cope without your auntie just fine on the day! - it's she who will lose out. As to your nan, well, it sounds as though she makes her views quite clear, and it will probably make for a nicer day for all if she decides to keep them to herself at home. Auntie and Nan have admitted they cannot promise not to 'cause an atmosphere' - so I would just express my regret at that, and that you'll not see them, and leave them to their thoughts!

Hope you have a great day - I bet your ds will be really excited at all the attention from loving family members!

Oh Breeze - how selfish of them all, I know how you feel!
Just please please please concentrate on your ds's party, your DH who you KNOW loves you very much and also yourself coz you really need to get better! You've got a holiday in Scotland waiting for you.

Thanks a lot.

Now got them trying to arrange when to come and see DS and DH saying tell them to come to the party or do not bother

Thanks M2T very generous of you, I accept

sorry breeze but agree with your dh
they cant dictate your ds, life nor yours
they need to grow up

In your dh's eyes he has probably seen this whole mess as a snub,
would you feel this way if the tables were turned.