relate

[ellliebelle]

My husband and i have not had a great relationship since not long after i got pregnant withdd2(28months) its not all been bad but we've had our ups and downs. the last 6 months have been horrible,nor violence no arguing or anything like that but just no communication at all really. i feel stupid being unhappy in my marriage when all in all my husband is a wonderful man, he helps round the house he is great with the children and he works hard to pay the bills. i feel so ungreatful as i should be happy with what i have but im not. i dont feel any attraction to him physically or emotionally and i just dont know what to do. another major issue is our sex life. we just dont have one. we have probably had sex 3/4 times since dd2 was born. this is a major issue for him however it doesnt really bother me, i dont think it would bother me if i never had sex again. althpugh it does bother me that i am upsetting my husband as i said he is a good man and i would like more than anything to br able to make him happy again and to be happy in my relationship. does anyone think relate may help?z?

I think relationship counselling is always worth a try... Have you tried looking at any books yet, they are a cheaper option to start with, although if you are a talker rather than a reader, counselling may work better.

The one snag with relate is you don't get to choose your counsellor... This meant we had a great assessment session with one person then two terrible ones with the counsellor we were assigned. We were too British and just stopped going rather than ask to see someone else.... So if you aren't keen don't be polite like us.

Www.marriagebuilders.com has got lots of free resources worth checking out.

Some simple questions: in the 3/4 times you had sex since your dd was born, did you enjoy having sex with your dh? Did you initiate it or was it at his instigation?

Thinking back pre-dc, do you consider that your sexual libidos were well-matched or does it seem to you that he wanted sex more than you?

Aside from your marriage, are you optimistic/enthusiastic about life in general or does everything seem 'flat'?

I would say yes our libidos were well matched before. since dd2 i have never initiated sex i would say half of the time i havr not enjoyed it at all the other half not to start with but have managed to get onto it

other than our relationship i feel happy. im pretty sure im not suffering from depression as i have done in the past and i feel different now

I would say yes our libidos were well matched before. since dd2 i have never initiated sex i would say half of the time i havr not enjoyed it at all the other half not to start with but have managed to get onto it

other than our relationship i feel happy. im pretty sure im not suffering from depression as i have done in the past and i feel different now

Has anyone got any advice?

Hi Elliebelle. I would say give it a go. I've been in a similar position, we did try Relate after a friend really recommended it. Despite it being a real eye-opener and the counsellor making some really valid points, she advised we try other avenues due to our unique circumstances, but I would still advise trying it. What is there to lose?

We are now looking into other ways to sort things out, but for you it could help to get things back on track or at least give you some pointers about other issues you need to look at. Probably wouldn't hurt to speak to your GP either. I keep thinking maybe I should mention our marital problems to GP in case I am depressed. Its difficult to see it when you're in the middle of it.

Sorry I can't be more helpful, but I hope you get some good advice!

Thank you for your reply even just a strangers kind words can bring some comfort