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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is it any wonder so many women put up with awful men when we are fed crap like this?

11 replies

Milkandlotsofwineplease · 20/01/2012 12:57

For some reason I signed up to get emails from a woman called Rori Raye. She is one of these relationship gurus, and my only excuse can be that I was pissed slightly merry at the time.

I thought it would all be harmless 'get the guy' type stuff. But then this arrived in my inbox

Dear Milkandlotsofwineplease,

If you've ever felt furious with a man because he just doesn't "get" why he's making you unhappy -- I can help.

Some men are actually, on purpose trying to hurt you -- because that's the only way they know to relate to a woman. But most men are just clueless. They really want to be with you.

Most men are lonely -- yes, they really are.

Most men feel awkward and less confident than you would imagine.

In fact -- most of the GOOD men out there lack confidence and feel awkward around women.

But they just cover it up with either an "I don't care" attitude, a determination to keep an emotional "distance" between you, or outright hostility!

THE BEST-KEPT SECRET ABOUT MEN

It's amazing sometimes how far a man will go to protect his own heart. And nearly the worst thing we can do is to take what he does and says and close up our own hearts in response.

The secret of all my Rori Raye tools is that they instantly help you keep your heart and your "energy field" open -- no matter WHAT he's doing or saying!

Then it goes on in a very similar manner for about 100 pages...

So basically what this is saying is that men may act like absolute cocks, but they just can't help it, and it's because really they are terrified of being hurt. Clearly it has NOTHING to do with them just being an idiot, waste of space.

So the message would seem to be that no matter how nasty a man is to you, just keep your heart 'open' and it will all be fine in the end.

It's no wonder so many women put up with utterly unsuitable men. The message that seems to always get pushed at us is that we HAVE to have a man, no matter how unworthy he may be. Argh!!

Sorry if this is in wrong section. It just made me so bloody mad I had to share it somewhere. Calms down

OP posts:
greygirl · 20/01/2012 15:26

blimey what a lot of tosh. A bit like men are from mars stuff i think - SOME men act like that because they think they can away with it. Other men understand that their partner is not a domestic slave.

Gay40 · 20/01/2012 15:29

What a crock of crap.

nursenic · 20/01/2012 15:30

Relationship coaches= bollocks.

Milkandlotsofwineplease · 20/01/2012 17:53

I think the message it is sending. Which is basically 'If it isn't working then try harder' is incredibly damaging.

The worst thing is I would have bought into it up until a year ago! I was the sort of person who thought that if I just put MORE effort in, then everything would be OK. I hate to think of women reading stuff like that, and taking it on board! I'm sure there's plenty who do.

OP posts:
Sparks1 · 20/01/2012 17:56

If you you subscribe to the thoughts of someone who talks shite for a living then expect them to well,talk shite... Wink

Punkatheart · 20/01/2012 18:04

Laughs at 'energy field'

Beam me up Scotty!

Milkandlotsofwineplease · 20/01/2012 19:25

Haha, yes Punk As long as we keep our energy fields open neither infidelity, chronic bad treatment,or our husbands missing their first child's birth cos they are in the pub can touch us Grin

OP posts:
AmberLeaf · 20/01/2012 19:27

What a load of patronising bollox-to both women and men.

Dlamis · 20/01/2012 19:45

Now now ladies. Clearly your energy field batteries need recharging Grin

TheMonster · 20/01/2012 19:46
Shock and she has a crap name.
makeyerowndamndinner · 20/01/2012 22:34

The only relationship coachy type person that speaks any amount of sense whatsoever is the woman who writes Baggage Reclaim. Natalie something...

Her stuff is about empowering yourself, setting boundaries, and expecting partners to treat you with care and respect.

But even with her it's all a bit self helpy which tends to turn me off. I like her though.

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