History:
FIRST OFF, I want to make it clear that non of us have children, but use
and lurk on the site as I am aware that the people on MN are very wise souls.
History: we are all in our early twenties and me, dp and dps best mate are currently house sharing/renting. We are all at uni. (final year)
DP's best mate also has a gf that is the same age as me, dp and dps friend being 3 years older.
DP is lovely, has had alot of issues in the past, some of which earlier last year I wrote about on MN, and although the general consensous was "get rid" he has sought professional help and made dramatic improvements which have improved our lives for the better, and appreciates at times he was really unfair on me and has done everything currently in his power to put things right. I am also very proud of the changes he has made. I realise I am not perfect too, and have many faults. DP is obviously loyal to his mate, having known him from uni for 3 years,and lived with him for 3 years. DP is also going through the assesment process for a suspected condition.
DPs best mate is on the whole, a lovely guy. He will often cook meals for us both (but normally involves typical student diet of chips, so not saying he's a jamie oliver :P) ,we have really good chats whether we are with him together,or chat on one to one. He can be really lovely and generally has his head screwed on. BUT. He does have issues that he needs to address, namely not raging over the top at frustrating situations.
All of us have lived away from home for the last 3 years. The closest is 85 miles away, the furthest nearly 200. I go home probably between every 2-6 weeks, they only see their 'rents in the summer, easter and christmas. I am a home bird and like to see my family every so often, but as much as I love them I get itchy feet if I'm back for more than a week or 2. All of us work, and I am on a placement as part of my course that involves getting up just before 6 and coming back just before 6. DP and DPs mate work about 3 days a week as well as studying.
DPS best mate, lets call him "A". A's girlfriend lives (lets call her B) at home as she goes to the same uni, and is in her final year, but only lives in the next county. She pays for her food at home, and her pets expenses.
All of us come from relativelyMC backgrounds.
B is lovely and I really get on with her due to shared interests and just how geuinely nice she is. We can tell eachother anything. We were both severely bullied at school for learning differences. She was home ed from 11-16, and then went to college. She admits she can be very insecure at times and has been diagnosed with severe anxiety (and has had proffessional help). She gets badly homesick if she is away for more than a couple of days and has panic attacks. However, she has not told A about her diagnosis (not saying it excuses her behaviour, but if she told B, perhaps he might be able to help her help herself). Also, more about this will be revealed below.
Me and DP think as long as they iron out some issues (like we have done) think they are very much suited and good for eachother.
DP and A have a mutual friend that lived i n the next corridor to them in the first year. Lets call her C.
I must say, I didn't initially warm to C. I have made a huge effort, but she just seems rude, oversteps the line alot and generally gets on me and Bs tits. However I havent let DP or A know this as I didnt want to hurt them and thought they would think I was overeacting, so I still try to invite her to flat getogethers, although I constantly think that C thinks I'm a bit of a snob.
Anyhow. C is a bit borderline chavvy. She has quite a history of trying to get in with 'taken' men, and according to various sources, will do anything she needs to get there. B knows this. A always has said he hates cheating but C can do no wrong and is constantly seen in rose tinted specs according to B.
B is worried that C's next target is A as: (hope this isnt too confusing!)
- When A apparently came back to B's parents for christmas, B's parents prepared him a 3 course "welcome home" meal, and obviously told him to save himself. However, on the way up (long journey) he stopped off at Cs, and C made him a homecooked meal, meaning that A couldnt eat Bs family meal, cue B being pissed off.
- A has constantly said to B that C is someone he can confide in, despite the fact B is aware that if A moans about her to C, C will turn it around like "Oh, so B never lets you do xyz? Oh so B never lets you go out with your friends? Oh so B is jealous? Oh so B still hasn't lost her V plates to you yet (that one had me frothing at the mouth as you can imagine!)?
-B has had random people come up to her in clubs and say "Oh so I hear you keep A on a tight leash?" "Oh I hear you're frigid?" " Oh I hear you never want A to go out with friends?". B has had texts from random numbers that is of this sort of theme. So C must be the one spreading nasty stuff, unless its A which I would find very hard to imagine.
Which is of course horrible.
-B has also spotted texts from C on As phone (on his phone even if its locked you still get to read the beggining of the message) saying form A to C "Yay got some" and texts from C to A saying "Finally!"
- A gets VERY protective of his phone. It has a pin on it so even if she wanted to read the rest she couldnt (not that she says she should)
_compared to me and DP where both of us pick up and send messages for eachother, and even randomely text eachothers mates from the others phone as a joke (nothing horrible!)
- B has seen As parents an amount that can be counted on one hand. They have been toggether for a year. We have been together for nearly 2 and saw more of eachothers parents in the first month than them in the first year
- Which leads us on to the next point
- B doesnt feel that close to As parents as when B goes down to As they hardly talk. B initially said she was fine to go down for a couple of days to As before christmas to celebrate there, but got called into work, so A saw that as making excuses.
- A then told C, and then B got asked byC why dont you like As parents and are so controlling.
- The other day, when I was at work DP and A went out for lunch. C happened to be in the area so joined them. A didnt invite B, despite her wanting to go out to this particular place for ages. That caused friction when B asked whether they fancied meeting up even if it was just for 10 mins and A replied no im busy having lunch with my mates.
-A is aware that B can be unreasonably demanding at times (and as her mate have told her she is which she says is fair)and is aware that he was spending less time with dp who felt a bit put out. A said to B he didnt want to let his mates down.
- B was thinking about going out one night and asked whether A fancied up for it. A siad he had work to do. B said fair enough. B rang him late that night to see how he was getting on, when A replied he was out with C and DP
- B will arrange things with A but occassionally has been dropped for C
- B isnt a jealous person- it just seems to be this C she feels funny about( for example, A will throw me in something for dinner occasionally if DP is at work, will offer paracetomal if not feeling great, and he feels as though hhe can talk to me about private stuff. )so she isnt funny about me and him if you get what i mean.
-A once got really drunk and pushed B over in a club because she apparently ignored him although was unsure whether he was half shoved
-Both DP and me believe both of their behaviour detoriotates when drunk
- C will often cook things and have A come to her house alone, and if B calls he wont answer
- B cant feel as though she can tell A about her dx because she feels it will get back to C and C will hurt her in some way
- when B and A are together A will say to B that C only says lovely things about her, but I know A and C will joke about B or poke fun at her if she isnt there.
Whos right? What would you do?