'Just Good Friends'. Advice on my Facebook crush please :)

[Propinquity]

I can't get to grips with these facebook friendships. Some of mine are conducted solely online, one especially, almost as if the distance lends security of a kind, at any rate for two people somewhat scared of commitment for one reason or another :/

Anyway, I have had a wonderful, warm friendship develop over the last few years - online - but recently someone (who likes to mess with my head for a living) stated that it was such a 'waste of time' as nothing tangible comes from it. Although we live close by we don't actually socialise together (despite having much in common) - bizarre, isn't it?
Inevitably I began to notice real feelings forming for this person and have consciously stepped down to keep them in check, as he has made it clear on several occasions he only sees me as a friend. But ... I miss him so much :(

It was/is more than just an online banter. I know this is how real life friendship works too, that you support eachother in what ways you can, but whilst I consider the rest of my life fairly balanced and manageable, there's a huge gap that his presence fills, that my imagination has gone into overdrive recently and he only has to utter one sentence or one word online and I'm like, 'oOOOOooohhh hazey'! Daft, isn't it?

Summarily, I want to know how to get shot of these feelings and just try and remain friends. It is Lust of course, the reason I have never really suggested we actively socialise outside of facebook, because I can't stand in his vicinity without wanting to invade his personal space , how could I have a proper fun time when this gets in the way? I feel as if I am missing out on so much good stuff I could be doing with him - just as a friend - the things we like in common, places to go, things to do, etc. because obviously he senses or just plain knows how attractive I find his bones :D

How though? How do I dissipate these feelings of physical attraction? :(
He is such a warm, compassionate, protective and intriguing individual, and kind, kindness of which I crave given my recent past, and he doesn't seem to play games with my head; I do really need this kind of person in my life. So I am actually very scared, worried, fretting even, about him sensing I'm too full on, or even backing off slowly, I kind of want my feelings to mutate from sheer, blind lust to old fashioned, plain old respectable friendship.

So you have a crush? Is that so bad? Are either of you married or attached?

Totally get the online thing, did it myself recently.

BUT he has said just friends right?

Cold turkey my dear. If he is not interested, if he has not bashed your door in to get to see you, then he is not that into you.

I suspect I built my online rel up to be more than it was, because I would dream at night. It is not good to dream and forget to live.

Maybe you have a few weeks of letting this die out before you feel back to normal?? If he misses you in that time, he WILL come for you. If not, someone else's empty chest and arms are waiting for you right now.

No, neither attached nor married.

It's not an overwhelming consumption or anything like that, daydreams are not getting the way of real life (two under 4 keep me grounded!) and I realise he's 'not that into me', I just need to know how to keep my feelings firmly in check so as not to risk any sabotage to the friendship.

There is an awful lot we have in common interest wise and there are several places I would like to go see with him this year, but I'm reluctant to ask him in case he thinks I am angling for a way in, when really I just want to have someone to go with who actually likes these things and can have a conversation with about them.

I have already begun to distance myself a little by not sitting up half the night chatting to him on facebook. That's hard enough because I'm online on here anyway and other forums, so it's tempting to flick over to facebook, especially as he is my most interesting friend on there, and no not just because he is gorgeous! If I go cold turkey and block him out completely, then I lose his friendship. I am quite stuck :( I need a middle ground.

Do you think I should just speak to him and say something like, fear not, I am now determined to dissipate my crush on you and promise not to think of you half stripped and tied to a chair everytime we talk, and now can you please come to this museum or that daytrip with me, you'd love it and so would I and I can't think of anyone else I know who'd be properly interested in it, so .... ?

I'm a bit confused by your post tbh. At first you say you met online, but then you say you want to invade his personal space.

So have you actually met in RL or not? Sorry if I'm just being a bit slow today. That Friday feeling.

is he attached? if not, I can't see why this couldn't this develop into a relationship, and why do you have to dampen your feelings? some men take time to get interested romantically.

There can be no friendship with a man you fancy. Fact.

There can be no relationship unless one of you asks the other out. You want to stay online your entire life?

I know the feeling WELL. But I think, cut to the chase. If he wants you, he WILL come. If you ditch the online bullcrap and he doesn't say 'Hey where are you?????' he wasn't that into it.

I never said we met online. We know eachother in real life :)

We only live a couple of miles apart, for some reason or other though, don't socialise in real life, just talk on facebook.

'There can be no friendship with a man you fancy. Fact'

Really? :( This isn't what I want to hear.
OK, so how to stop fancying him? I'd rather keep his friendship, I know he isn't interested in me romantically. Well I don't know, but it's a pretty good guess.

Hun think of it like this. There are zillions of people in the world. You will find a man who is as gorgeous as this one but who can't wait to go out with you. Never mind all the messages late at night, he would be banging the door off. How would you feel if this man you like got a new girl and brought her round to yours? You are his 'friend' so would you be happy or gutted?

All or nothing...

If your male friend fancies you and you do not fancy him, how is it for you? Irritating. That's how this guy feels about you. Make him come and find you if he wants to and if not, leave alone. That's my advice anyway. I've seen it time and again with friends, male fwb or otherwise boundary crossingness just goes nowhere and causes lost time and heartache. Sorry :((

'Irritating' :( Ok that didn't occur to me. Haha! That puts a fresh light on it. Yes, I do have a male friend that quite fancies me and I don't fancy him at all but I don't find him irritating, I feel flattered, but wish he'd go away. OK thankyou for that perspective, it helps :)

Perhaps this is controversial, but I don't think this is a deep friendship anyway. Lots of banter, bit of light-hearted flirting, some deep conversation in the early hours on Facebok, but this isn't a friendship, he's not going to rush over if you are ill, or bring his new girlfriend around in RL, indeed he doesn't even want to meet you in RL and he only lives down the road. He's clearly happy with this level of contact, and it's fun, and there's nothing wrong with having a crush but don't let that stop you getting out there and finding a real-life man with whom you can have a real relationship.

Thanks Hardgoing, you are probably right. He does however support me and has in the past enquired when I have gone AWOL from Facebook, and I think I could probably count on him if I was absolutely desperate simply because he is shown to be generous natured enough in his humanity. But it's not really a real friendship is it? Pesky online life. Grrr. I am going to have to break out of my bubble sooner or later and find some real life best friend who is happy to do the museums thing.

Thanks for the quick vews everyone, I needed this.