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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

feel like a horrible person (2 issues)

4 replies

pinkgirl · 18/01/2006 10:20

My sisters MIl has just died and I feel really bad as she was a lovely person, I don't get on that well with my sister anymore and have not spoken for a while, I did ask mother to pass on condolences etc but should I be ringing her myself, what do I say chances are she may not want to talk to me but really deep down I do love her and want to talk

another reason i feel bad is that she really loved her mil yet i can't stand mine best part of the time, its not that she is horrible or neglects my baby quite the opposite infact, she is so over the top that everytime i see her she gets on my nerves, just the way she talks to dd irritates me, she must of thought when i was prg that i was going to hand baby over to her and she was making plans without even asking me (this is where the problems stemmed from i think)I know i should appreciate her more coz she will do anything babysit anytime, how do I overcome how I feel, is this something that is quite common with other mums and mil or am I just being plain mean

OP posts:
tiredemma · 18/01/2006 10:29

I think you should call her, she may find it comforting to hear from you.
i know that I would be devastated if anything happened to my MIL.

crunchie · 18/01/2006 10:33

I understand how you are feeling, and I know why you feel mean. But that fact you do means you aren't as bad as you think IYKWIM.

Personally I would perhaps write to your sister, then you can offer condolances and a shoulder if she wants to take it up. Bear in mind she may not want to talk now and don't get hurt is she doesn't ring you straight back.

The 2nd thing is a totally separate problem, you are jealous of her realationship with her MIL. Don't say anything to her about this, it is your and your partners problem which you need to work on. MIL seems to come in 2 types, overbearing nosy witches or uninterested lazy bitches

You have the first type

jaybird · 18/01/2006 11:33

pinkgirl, do we share the same MIL???? - don't know how to overcome it either but i know it is a common problem.

SHHHH · 21/01/2006 18:55

pinkgirl, I agree with the point of writing to your sister...It may be a start to send a condolences (sp..?) card and put your number inside suggesting she gave you a call when she felt up to it. Grief does all sorts to people and she may be wanting to speak to you as well..???

The MIL issue....sadly a lot of people have issues with their mil. Just remember they are mil by marriage etc and not by choice .
Both dh & I have different opinions when it comes to our pil and sadly it's an argument that will run and run....sometimes I do wish dd & I could just walk away from dh as he doesn't seem to see my point of view on things and tends to back them to the end. I on the otherhand know my parents are not saints and that they do try your patience. I try and make things easier with dh by seeing my parents while dh is at work. BUT on the otherhand he forgets that I have seen his parents EVERY week since dd was born 8 months ago..sometimes more than once a week.Its this that makes me feel like walking away .Must seem to think I enjoy having my weekends planned out.

Good luck with it all and I hope things improve. xx

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