Separated but in same house. Feel utterly depressed...

[LadyEatsCrispsALot]

DH and I separated just before Xmas. My instigation as couldn't be with someone who constantly puts me down.
I can't go anywhere until he sells his flat. I am using equity to buy my own house. I don't want family home. Too big and expensive.
My 2 DCs do not know yet as I will tell them once my house is sorted. We are equally dividing child care.
It is fairly amicable but I just feel really down and fed up.
He is acting like he just is not bothered our marriage is over. I can't move on emotionally until I get out of here.
He still asks for sex! He states he still fancies me but I just feel like I could be anyone to meet his needs.
I feel stupid for thinking this man was the one and I was willing to spend my life with him.
I am trying to be strong and patient and I know I will get sorted. It's the waiting I am not dealing with.
He is acting as if all is fine. I want to scream at him. "why dont you care I am leaving!"
Sorry but not sure what I am asking. Just really fed up.

Can't he move in to his flat while he sells it?

He's not sorry you're leaving as you haven't left....neither has he.... he's even still asking for sex!!! Are you still cooking and doing his washing? Please tell me you aren't x

Would guess he hopes if he doesn't say anything that you'll give up this silly separating business and get back into your rightful place. Are you sure he's properly trying to sell his flat?

It was over two years between me realising that I had to get out for my sanity, and actually moving apart. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. But it ended and here I am, in my own place, hardly ever seeing his silly face, and since I got a phone with caller display, hardly ever hearing him either! This will happen for you too.

He still asks you for sex? yuck.

Perhaps he is in denial about the situation? You're still there, it's pretty much business as usual. Maybe he thinks you won't actually move out? It won't happen? Maybe it's not 'real' for him yet?

Are you still cooking and cleaning? If so, perhaps you should stop doing anything for him. To show that things aren't the same?

What a horrid place to be OP.

I'd say stop having sex with him and check he is really selling his flat.

Couldn't you go and stay with family for a bit?

Spot on Anniegyg.
He really dragged his heels getting the flat on the market. I had to push him every day. Maybe that is what he thinks.
When I asked for the separation he replied" you're just throwing your toys out the cot as I have told you what you don't want to hear".
Yes I don't want to hear ' you are constantly horrible, shit , awful , scary person that no one likes' . Repeatedly told this....

I am aiming for minimal disruption for the dc's. I really don't want to leave, but you are all correct. It is business as usual in terms of the daily house routine.
I only had sex once with him since the decision. He really was pestering me for it. Not sure why... But I burst in to tears afterwards as I felt so shit.
Never again.

what a fustrating situation to be in tell him to drill a whole in the wall and have sex with that. noisey but what coursed the split?

Knock. I caused the split. I had the lightbulb moment. I don't deserve to be treated in such a disrecptful and horrible way. Sulking by him for days because of my awful behaviour. He never apologises. It's always my fault. Always.
marriage is meant to be caring and supportive. This isn't.

He probably doesn't really believe it's really going to happen. Are you at least in separate bedrooms?

Why doesn't one of you move into the flat until it sells? I was in your situation for a year - it was horrid. I couldn't really afford to go anywhere else until we sold our flat and it took a while. But if there'd been a spare flat around I'd have been there like a shot.

Yep separate bedrooms thank god! There are tenants in the flat so not an option. I know I need to be patient but I just want to move on.

XH would still be in the former marital home now (and I'd be in a bedsit, if not a lunatic asylum) if the court hadn't ordered that it be sold. If you don't have something of the sort in place I suggest you start looking at your legal options quick-time. Leave nothing to chance and even less to the goodwill of an arse who has a vested interest in the status quo.

I was trying to avoid the heavy handed legal route. We have agreed a financial situation with child care and maintenance. I just don't know what he thinks. Never have actually!

You could be me a few years ago. Decided I'd had enough (won't bore you with reasons).

My ex also came across as if he accepted it but expected sex and for me to carry on doing all the housework, cooking, laundry and paying for everything.

I shared a bed with my youngest DC instead, cut up his credit cards and stopped cooking and doing laundry but still had to stay in house. After 4 months of this he still didn't want anyone to be told that we'd split up and went absolutely ballistic when I said I was meeting a male for coffee.

Anyway that was when I fully realised that I was always going to be stuck in the same situation. We agreed to shared childcare for the DC and I stayed in a friend's spare room and kids slept on floor when I had them.

I went to council and told them I was homeless and also to a solicitor to start separation proceedings.

Anyway long story short - I ended up with kids full time as he wasn't all that interested in them and they were a trump card for him to keep me in the house (in his mind). I was given emergency housing in a grotty area - but moved on since then.

My ex seemed to think it was a big joke - until I actually did something about it.

Be strong - it will get worse before it gets better - but it WILL get better!!