5 words my mother says with no regard to my feelings

[Magneto]

My mother and I have a lot of problems with our relationship, but this isn't about that. This is about these 5 little words that she never fails to utter if I tell her my plans.

I have in the past told her things like:
I am going to meal plan
I am going to try and breastfeed
I am going to use reusable nappies
I am going to get married
I am going to go camping
I am going to do more exercise
I am going to have a baby

And what does she always reply with?

"You're going to do that?"

As though the thought of me doing any of these things is beyond ridiculous and I will surely fail as I am far to lazy and selfish to succeed.

And then she complains that we never talk anymore! Well I've learnt to limit my anti-pep talks by not telling her anything unless she will find out anyway.

Oh dear Magneto - not very supportive. Why do you think she treats you like that? Have you tried telling her how hurtful it is to you?

I find this a bit with my mum - dh says I should stop telling her things as then it gives her the ammunition to doubt/do cat's bum mouth at me. I think we tell them things to gain approval, prove that we are in control, but then.... they turn it on its head. I think my mum trained me to tell her everything about my life

Well you know what comes out of a cat's bum, don't you?

I may not be your mother but well done for all your achievements - you sound like an organised and positive person.

my mother is a bit like that. I try not to tell her everything but like buster I have been trained to tell. it's so damn hard. and if I don't tell her she doesn't approve either. sigh.

Double sigh. Mothers, eh? Thank god we'll never be like them.... oh shit, wait.....

What would happen if you replied "What do you mean I'm going to do that? Don't you think I am capable?"

Challenge her.

if i tell my mum what i,m going to do and i fail i always ways get it right back in my face a nice big slap like an sunami

Why do we tell them everything we know that it won't always end well but still we do?

Agree with just

i think were just looking for there approval silly isn,t it were adults and i still need to let my mum know almost everything.

I would like to think that what she means is that she herself would not want to do the things I say I'm going to for whatever reason. But it always feels like a personal attack on my character.

I agree with being trained to tell her things. Even when it's something I really don't want to share she finds a way to get it out of me. For example, when I started dating dh, he was my first boyfriend and I was 16. I had a vomiting virus and while my head was down the toilet she asked me "Could you be pregnant?" I replied no, so she asked how I knew. I then said that I couldn't be because I was on my period. Her response? "So you have had sex then?"

I mean ffs! I became very careful what I said after that and keep it to basic day to day life but there's still the constant little digs. Today we started not speaking to each other again because I upset her but if we were talking and I explained how I felt about it, all she would say would be "But what about the things you say to me?" She would turn it all around and then it would be back to having a go at me.

i know what your saying me and my mum are like that i try to make her understand where im coming from then she misses my point has her judgepants on then turns it back on me. scariy thing is i could be turning like her. i guess its her way of looking after you they never change you know. sometimes you just got to learn to love them they mean well but they so get on your nerves.

Any chance she could be processing what you've just told her, mentally preparing to support you and that is her way of making sure you are sure?

Just lie brightly, "Yes! I've met this most amazing older woman, you know - she's almost like a life coach. She's giving me so much support and encouragement, I feel ready to tackle anything. She's SUCH a boost."

Let her question her own place in your life, just for a moment.