Do you think a nine year age gap is too much for dating?

[ripitupandstartagain]

Me: 40
Him: 31
Been getting on very well by e-mail. It has been pretty cerebral so far and no mention of sex or any real flirting.
Have seen photos of him - he is just my type and I reckon it is quite likely we will have good chemistry.
But..?

depends whether he wants kids, if you are after LTR. Otherwise can't see a problem.

I didn't forward think it that tragically (yet). Do you think I should ask him before the first date
I agree though. I have 2 kids already and the shop is now shut!! I think I could conceive but sod being pregnant again.
I think I do want a LTR, but not sure if I can ever have one, maybe not cut out for it.

Scared I would also feel awkward about having a body that has had two children and getting my kit off. Meant to be meeting him in person next week anyway.

You're thinking too far ahead. As long as you've been upfront about your age and fact that you have children and you feel ok seeing a younger guy it's up to him if he feels comfortable with the situation or not. If you start asking him if he wants children or is put off by the age gap you'll scare him off by letting him know that you've been thinking LTR stuff before you've even met.

Does he have kids already? Does he want them?

Dating is fine though- this is how you work this stuff out. Just don't get too involved until you get a better idea of what the bigger picture might be.

oh, it's fine to date and THEN find out whether he plans kinds potentially (with anyone) - but before you get involved too much. Before the first date it's still fine to ask whether he already has kids, surely.
But if you aren't after ltr, just male company, and have kids yourself, why would the age gap be a problem!

No idea LeBOF, hadn't got past the potential terrifyingness of getting my clothes off infront of someone that young!!!
I have been upfront about my age and he hasn't asked if I have children.

OP, he's not THAT young, and he's not naive to expect a 20yr old body, he knows your age and that you had kids. I'm sure it doesn't bother him. Lots of men find older women attractive - and i mean a lot older than 9yr-gap sometimes! Men who like only young women don't arrange dates with the older ones, so feel confident! It's all down to chemistry - it's either there or not.

Think I will proceed. You only live once etc and as you said passionsrunhigh, it's up to him to decide if he is bothered - not my problem.
Who knows if it will lead anywhere.
At least you two are not howling with derision at the mere thought!

of course we are not howling - great for you if he's nice. He's not 20 fgs!

I will selflessly and boldly go in the interests of research !!

Good for you- have a great time!

Isn't 'the rule' half your age +7?
so 40/2 = 20, + 7 = 27 is your minimum age.

As for your body - the majority of women spend the majority of their lives with post baby bodies. Those are the norm. If anyone has a problem with seeing a normal woman's body, then it is they who are not normal.

I always say no problem with age gap but it depends on the age of the younger. My husband is 12.5 years younger than me ... I'm 44 and we've been together just over 8 years, married for 18 months. Life is perfect. But if we'd met when I was in my 20s obviously it would have been a big fat no!!!!!

A bigger gap between my husband and me. No problems for us whatsoever. It really doesn't matter a whit. Enjoy yourself. :o

I have a 10-year maximum age gap limit either way - although I could probably be tempted to stretch it for a particularly attractive prospect

As for seeing your glorious 40 yr bod - that's a privilege he may have bestowed on him if he's exceptionally fit lucky.

Go forth, my child, and sample the horrors delights of internet dating in the selfless spirit of giving us all a good laugh scientific research

Updates on a regular basis, please!

We are all insecure sometimes. I dont imagine he will care that much one way or the other re how perfect your body is.

Obviously, you care. And it concerns you. The sexiest thing about you will be your confidence, men say, so if you are overly anxious about that, he will start thinking about it too.

Im sure he will have his own imperfections!

Sounds good agewise to me actually.

I WISH my age gap with current young man was only 9 years!

OK, crew, thanks for the replies. We are meant to be going to see a film next week sometime after I get back from a trip, so will update! If nothing else, it is more grist for the autobiography!!