Why would somebody behave like this?

[Memoo]

I'm so mentally worn out with this. I just don't understand the motive. Why would somebody behave like this?

They disagree with every single thing I say. I could say the sky is blue and they'd argue it was green. Every idea I have is sneered at. My parenting is always criticised. I am always undermined when telling off my children eg "awww why can't they do x,y or z" this is always in front of the dc.

I know it all sounds very trivial but it wears me down. And I don't understand why somebody who is surpose to love me would treat me like this. Is it because they don't like me? Am I actually a bad person?

Thanks if you've got this far and if anyone can make sense of my ramblings id really appreciate some advice.

Hi Memoo. I'm sorry, this sound absolutely awful to live with. It does not sound trivial.

My answer would be that them feeling powerful or feeling "right" overrides any consideration for other people's feelings.

Have you ever challenged them on it?

Doesn't sound like they like you much, no!!

Are you talking about your DC behaving like this?
Or your mother?

No you are not a bad person. I am going to be the first to say he is an abusive prick and I know this because I had one who was exactly as you describe.

Kids won't sleep? - Emma, YOUR fault for giving them sweets after school

Ds having tantrums at school (autistic)? - Emma your fault because of your bad parenting, you've ruined him

Kids no you can't have fuzzy drinks at 10.00 am in the morning - YES THEY CAN! Emma stop being so uptight, just like your Mum

Sound familiar?

It's not you, I guarantee the more you tell us, the more people will recognise and relate to your experience of being with an abusive man.

sorry didn't read op properly and just assumed it must be a man as the description was so like my ex H.

Am assuming this a partner or parent/PIL

Sorry, I should have said its my mother. I try really hard to get along with her but she makes its impossible. She has been like this my whole life. I grew up thinking my mum didn't like me at all.

I have a lot of mental health problems and I really think they stem from this.

Memoo - I am not an expert on this, but I assume you can imagine the effect it would have on your DCs if you were like this with them. I don't know why your mum was like this, but it sure as hell isn't your fault, and it's completely understandable that it would damage your self esteem and self confidence.

You KNOW you need to distance yourself from her. We've said this before Memoo.

You've posted about this before?

Is it hard to believe it's not something you are causing? I imagine it must be, if you are struggling to understand...

But some people are horrible to other people for reasons that are all to do with them and their problems, and nothing to do with you

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1371995-Support-thread-for-those-who-want-to-stop-being-hurt-by-their-parents-spiteful-words-in-2012?msgid=29527355#29527355

see my post, and more importantly LaRevenanteSecrete's replies.

J hate to say it, but it sound a lots like my last relationship (20years long) I was undermined at every turn. This has a big effect not only on you but on your children too, they don't see you as having any athority or feeling, this is what made me leave (with my kids) should have done it years before. I now have a lovely partner and my children have had the chance to see what a loving, fair and repectful relationship looks like and that they diserve to have the same. Don't mean to sound harsh but I wish someone had told me.

I don't think I have posted about my mother before.

It's really hard to distance myself from her. She comes round all the time although I never invite her. Also the kids adore her.

The times I have challenged her she has gone mad and stormed out. It's impossible to reason with her.

sounds like my mum. I cut contact with her for a while, and now we get on much better.
just suggestion

a suggestion

Go to the Stately Homes thread :)