Normal to find it hard to socialise with the other school mums?

[spazza1]

Hi, I'm stood here waving my litmus paper to see if it's just me who finds it hard socialising with the other school mums, esp as the school is rural and small we're all sort of thrust together.
I've got 3 DDs, 2 already in the system and the last is 4months old...since I've started resurfacing @ the school gate/playgroup (same gang of birds), I feel like a total outsider with nothing in common/struggling to talk with them/small talk. Granted I've got a leopard print coat and a smiddge of purple hair, but under all that I'm not a horror, do you reckon I'm scaring them away, some just put theor backs to me in the playground, before they've even got to re-know me? I'm just not getting it, praps I've been in the baby bubble too much....arrggh
Before DD#3 I'd only just got started with the other mums, and now I feel lost.
TBH this isn't a "hey everyone please validate that I'm ok", but I'm getting quite sad about it, even writing this is making me weepy, playgroup each week makes me feel like crying in the loos, it's such an effort and I'm lost there, but I'm determined to go for DD #2 and babyDD #3, but just because I'm a bit diff on the outside is alienating me from the rest of the "posh wellies" or "farmers wives" set.
:(

Could just be habit on the part of the other mums to speak to those they already know. It takes time to break into any social group. Just keep being affable and hope that in time they see you as one of their own too?

Are you limiting yourself to the parents of your daughters' friends?

I have 3 at school and I don't know if it's a coincidence but I find that I get on really well with dc2's friends mums, not at all with dc1's friends mums and somewhere in between with dc3's friends mums. I have met really nice mums with children in other classes through volunteering at the school and the PTA.

Leopard skin coat and streak of colour in your hair is normal in our playground- it's unfortunate that it's not in yours.

I think that you are being harsh on yourself. If you've been away from the group for a while (4 months is quite long) then you need to invest 4 months to get back into the swing of things.

I'm quite a good people watcher at school as sometimes I chat to someone

and other days I'm a loner

and tbh they're aren't that many who chat to someone every day

I also take my phone and if I'm feeling lonely I mumsnet about their boden coats

crazygracie is right in that you won't necessarily find friends in your own DCs classes. Get involved in PTA and elsewhere in the school if this is possible.

My friends are dotted around in various year groups. We get on because we get on not because of children in common.

Also I'm another one who doesn't really enjoy banal chitchat so won't seek people out unless I need to speak to them for a reason. You see these people twice a day there is only so much chitchat I can take!

You are meant to socialise with school mums then?! I don't bother, I am there to pick up or drop off my kids, not to socialise. That said a couple of mums of my children's thread speak to me but i am not fussed.

Class. Not thread.

THANK YOU all, didn't think I'd get any feedback, you've all touched on something pertinent, tk u again x

I feel completely out of touch with the other mums at school since dd2 was born six months ago. It's as if they had something to talk to me about when I was pg but not now. And i am a bit tied to home by dd2 feeding a lot In the evening so missed a couple of mums nights out. Plus I'm running on empty and a bit distracted by getting dd1 to school and keeping the other two safe. All in all I don't really feel a part of it at all at the moment. You are not alone.

After 14 years of school drop offs and pick ups, I have done my time and youngest son (yr 6) comes and goes by himself. Relief and bliss!
Could never hack the school playground. I think it's cos I like to make friends for myself, not based on my kids' year groups.

It is probably not intentional, I live in small rural village too and I don't get the chance to pick up and drop off as I work full time, when I do I can't stand round and chat, whereas it's clearly the highlight of some mums day. Don't let it bother you, I don't fit it but I'm glad - but I always was a rebel

I live in a small rural village and have recently been finding it hard.

I used to find it really easy and chatted to lots of people in the playground.

In the last year my ds has been horribly bullied by a small group of mums through the school, their dcs and the playground.

The school has sorted it out now but it has totally demolished my confidence.

I have decided that I just have to start again and steal myself to just chat to whoever I end up standing beside.

I am not expecting to be their best friend for life but stand there on my own feeling uncomfortable for the next X years.

I came to the conclusion that if they don't like me then who cares - and maybe they will like me, in which case it was a good thing to do.

I wouldn't say it has been easy but I do find now that the a few mums here and there are making towards me in the playground now and again. That is a start.

Be brave and good luck.

I think it is often difficult. We moved when DS was 8yrs to a big school and I didn't know anyone and they don't bother. Joining the PTA was the best thing. Always jobs so you don't have to make small talk and you find you get to know people.

sorry to bump up this thread but I feel the same. its hard to be friends with the other mums as they all socialise with each other and I can't as I work full time. They all seem to be SAHMs or part time workers. So I feel left out on the days I do take DD to the gate. My mum does it the other times but she's more or less the only gran

spazza - keep your purple hair, leopard print coat ( I like your style ) and hold your head up high girl.
If you loathe playgroup, don't go ( I can't think of anything worse ! )
The school playground with it's cliquishness and the like, is not necessarily something you are missing out on ... I think these AlphaMummies would like us all to believe we are desperate to join in their club - wrong ! My main concern is being there for my kids, ready with a hug and to hear about their day, knowing that they have my full attention.
Don't change who you are for anyone.

Glad I'm not the only one! I have to literally force myself to go to my local mums group in the village! I find the small talk thing hard too and it can make you feel like a lonely schoolkid again when you feel left out. It's an ongoing struggle for me too but I would say don't pit too much pressure on yourself just give yourself a target of speaking to one person, pick a more approachable looking one (not the mummy mafia) and just ask about their child or something don't worry how naff it sounds just be smiley and approachable and give yourself a pat on the back afterwards don't focus on who ignored you just focus on the positives and by taking small steps each time people will stop seeing you as an unknown quantity and realise you're actually very nice. You do sometimes have to be a bit forward as they rarely feel the neef to make an effort for newcomers! You sound like a lovely person and in time people will realise that and if they don't then they're not worth your worry

spazza...subject aside, which I have some sympathy with.....what kind of name is that? As the mum of a disabled child, I really feel a bit horrified that you see it as an ok username. Not pleasant to come across