We had split in May 2010 when his aggression/verbal abuse caused me to cold shoulder him for a few months. He blamed everything on me and said he wanted shot of me, essentially. This was after him moving to the spare room and giving me a detailed character assassination. Basically, I made a charge against him and he was arrested. The charge was over his assault on me in our kitchen which was physical but mostly just threatening. He said that if murder were legal he would have killed me by now. He also slapped my one cheek 3 times whilst pinching the other. It was extremely frightening. We had been arguing and I thought he was leaning over to kiss me.
Anyway, no evidence, no charges but they advised him to move out. He was gone for 2 months. After that time we talked and patched things up. Be never apologised though. Be refused to accept any blame. In fact he denied it happened. He gave us a year's trial. That ran out in Sept '11. I thought we had got through it. We were intimate again, on his terms as he still chose to sleep in the spare room.
I did everything I could to make it work. I addressed my faults. J spent much less time online, I stopped seeing my sister as he hates her etc. Apparently he realised in September that he no longer felt much for me. He cannot forgive that he was arrested and his dna is on file. I wondered what had changed. Sex dwindled. He gave me much less eye contact. He got cross if I answered a question when our daughter should have been answering. We went to a party at Xmas and I have never felt so alone. There was nothing there. He treated me as if I were a stranger. I asked him to talk to me that evening.
He cried and said how he had been feeling. He had planned to pack a few things, give me half an hour's notice, tell someone close to him what was happening, then leave.
The reason he planned to do it that way was so I didn't have time to make a false allegation to the police. Again (obviously it wasn't false but that's how he sees it).
So that almost brings it up to date. I have begged him to keep trying. I even phoned thr police to say that whilst my statement was true, I didn't know the potential effect sn arrest would have on his career.
So tonight I find myself having to sign the statement of arrangements for our children. He is the petitioner. We have 2 teenagers.
He has been moody, aggressive at times with myself and our son and is extremely manipulative. And still I am sad.
We were together for 20 years, since I was 18.
For financial reasons we will have to sell the house, pay off debts and start again. No money for deposits for houses etc.
I feel sad for the loss of my planned future, angry that this has happened again, angry that he accepts no responsibility over how abusive he was. But he had good points too. He can cook, clean, anything. The truth is that he can manage without me. I've never really been of any use.
A bit of me is hopeful that I can, in time, find someone who really loves me. He didn't. He accumulated bitterness over the 30 years and never forgave anything.
I cannot believe I have come to this point in my life where I am about to lose everything. I