moving a new partner in???

[quechelle]

i met my new partner while a friend kindly took in me and my two daughters after my ex made us all homeless (kids wer 11months & 23 months old at the time)... ive since moved to my dads house with my kids until i can arange & afford housing. ive been with my new partner for 8 months now and see him probably 4/5 nights a week. my daughters adore him. i plan on hopfully housing myself in around two months time (10months into our relationship). me and my partner have both talked about him coming with me when i get myself a house/flat. i.y.o when would u say the time would be ideal or when have you done this yourselves?
obvs ive considrd that if i dont see it to be long lasting it may effect my children to have a loved one(being new partner) coming in and out of ther lives and ofcorse ive thought about how mine and partners relationship might change once living under the same roof and him slowly taking more of a fatherly role towards my kids (he has 2 kids of his own from past relationship)

some input or advice on the matter would be great thanks.

I'd probably suggest doing it in stages:

Move in yourself with your kids first
Let him spend the odd night
Graduate to weekends
Then weekends with the odd week night
Cple of months till he's there FT.

Good luck

X

Without knowing you and your DP and your relationship I can't say if I think its too soon, but I would say when you get your house, get one you can afford solo, and in your name only. Then if it doesn't work out you won't be homeless again.

I would wait longer.

Your little ones have been through their daddy no longer living with you, moving to a friends, moving to your dads and now another move in a fairly short time span.

Moving into a new house is going to be stressful and unsettling for your little ones (and you) until you find your feet and get sorted. Without throwing in a new parental/adult figure with their own ideas about how everything should be done.

But...

My P has only met DS twice in the 3.5 years we have been together so I may err too far on the side of caution.

I'm also one to say wait and see. Move in without him, whats the rush?

Definitely move in my yourself and make sure you are able to manage the house financially. Only when you feel stable enough consider moving your partner in. Often couples move in together because it's easier to have 2 people contributing to the cost and sharing childcare but then you become dependant on your partner and if it doesn't work out you feel unable to leave.

There is great satisfaction in knowing that you are providing for your children, it really can help to build up your self esteem.
Don't rush the relationship - if your partner is pushing to move in then I suggest he's wrong for you in the long term.

There's no hurry - you'll want to ensure any moving in on his part isn't blurred in your mind over issues like loneliness, or worrying how you'll cope alone. It's really good if you can get set up in YOUR place, with all your things around you, and then just see how it goes. If it doesn't work out, well it's your place and you and your kids will already have that existing stability of them living alone with you that they can feel safe returning to. Obviously if it does go well then there's no hurry anyway so you can take your time :) As you'll be together a long time. Win-win.

I second that - there's all the time in the world to move in together, make sure you are properly settled into your new place and revisit your options in few months time

No No No!

Get your own place for you and your kids!!

They - and you! - deserve a place all for yourselves.

Don't jump from one relationship live-in situation or 2 into another immediately.

He can always come and visit, and if it's meant to be it will happen.

Your kids especially don't need dragging around - you owe it to them to give them the best life they deserve, as you do.

Just my half cent...I'm an LP and love the independance it gives me and my kid to do what we want/need,

and a relationship - and only the right one! - is a bonus, not a must.

I agree with all the other.. be on your own for a while. Make a home for you and your kids and just keep him as a boyfriend for a while longer yet.

Move in just yourself

Possible Frying pan/fire scenario here, otherwise

Definitely get a settled home sorted for just you and your DC for now.

There's no rush to live with your new partner. The fact is nobody can be 100% sure about the long term future of a relationship after a few months. If you are secure in the knowledge that your home life is settled, safe and will not change, you can continue or not continue the relationship depending on how it goes.

If it doesn't work out, then your DC will only be minimally effected. If he has moved in and it doesn't work out, he will have naturally assumed a parental role in your DCs lives, and they will be effected. Another six months or year or so down the line, if it's all going well still, you can be much more confident about moving him in with you.

reading through these comments has opened more thought into the situation. it wasnt for feeling alone or not coping he would have been moving him in though. it was more because travel issues. i want to stay near my kids nursery, he has to travel to come and visit at my dads(wich is in the area im looking at) and it does make for hard work.... but hey if his been doing the jurney to see me for 8 months already then im sure a few more wouldnt hurt.
i 100% agree everything will be in my name and everything would be affordable to my income. i did disscus this with my partner when the topic of moving came up and he fully understood why i wanted to do that.
loosing my home of 4 1/2 years and being made homeless with 2 toddlers does make you realise that life can throw anything at you and you have to be prepared to support the lil'uns in any event. im so greatful that ive got such a good friend and lovley dad to have taken in me n the girls.
i think maybe i will move me and the kids in first n just let things go with the flow rather then "bam! your moving in".

Xales... yea your right my kids have done a lot of moving over the months and its taken them some adjusting to get used to having ther dad 24/7 to now once a week.
also pretty much as soon as me and the girls left he moved in the next woman so my girls dads home must be a real change for them when they stay ther and i wouldnt want to overwhelm them with even more change then they've been through latley.

thanks for the replys