Please help if you have read Lundy Bancroft

[RueDay]

Hi All,

Had a rollar coaster relationship with someone a few months ago, posted on here.

Since November he has started being very friendly, texting and calling, all very nice, I thought it was a good thing.

Got xmas card, Happy xmas and happy NYE text all fine.

Have said I don't want to meet as yet but friends is good.

A bout 6 weeks ago he said his iphone had been nicked, I had a very old one in drawer that used to belong to my brother so I said I would post it when I had wiped it. He got it, said thank you but that he would need to jailbreak it..relevant as I later find out.

Fast forward to a week ago, he suddenly accuses me of putting spyware on it and getting all his messages forwarded to me? this is at 7.30am in the morning, I am on way to work, I think he is joking, but slowly dawns he is not, he says he is going to police that day, I say I will meet you there as its all very alarming, then he goes quiet and refuses to answer

Asked my brother and forwarded my ex the answer, you can't put spyware on an iphone locked to apple

Sorry to ramble but just read intro online of book above, is this abusive? I have changed my number and reported to police as I was so upset but without threats police can do nothing, he knows I have changed no and gone to police.

Sorry for waffling

an ex is an ex for a reason. Why do you allow yourself to be drawn in in the first place?

Now you know what he is truly capable of just cut all contact.

Thanks I have done all this, just spent a horrid last weekend trying to figure out why as I had no idea, whole relationship was like that and now I think that book is spot on, wasted a year trying to fix make it better etc x

I think you need to just 'Rue the Day' - and bin him. Do you still want him? Obviousy this is not a good idea.

He sounds dilusional. Does he have history of drug abuse?

Seriously - he's not a 'keeper' now is he?

No he is not, a bit of a tool, I don't think on drugs but who knows...he has wasted my last weekend!

Thnank you

He's a prick.

I would ask him to send back the i phone, seeing as how he finds it so unacceptable. Tell him you'll give it to someone not as paranoid and pathetic as him.

And then ask him to fuck the fuck off.

And er, yes, classic abuser stuff. Either that, or drug addled. Either way, drive on.

Thank you so much, for some reason he won't send phone back, but its a small pice to pay

Don't know your back story but knw far too much about abuse. To be honest, he sends paranoid in the mental health sense rather than this being deliberate abuse. But steer well clear and don't expect to see the phone again. Make sure you block his number and don't engage.

I agree with Queen. This incident, anyway, sounds more like a MH issue to me.

Just write the phone off, and don't let yourself get sucked back in (again)

Do not engage with him ever again

Don't read any texts, answer no calls nor emails. Put any cards he sends straight into the trash.