I am a regular but name changed for this as its pretty bad.
Me and ex H split two years ago. It was never really a marriage at all he was unfaithful from weeks in. Over the past two years he has tried to "win" me back, although still seeing other women, still putting his social life first, verbally abusing me at three monthly intervals or thereabouts. All the while crying and whining about how in love with me he still is. Surprisingly I have had no inclination to renew our relationship and have been quite clear about this. Last night he got the message and decided to confess it all. It appears that when I was 8 and 9 months pregnant with our first child he would bring women back to our flat while I was at work and........well it isn't rocket science is it? THis happened a fair few times with one OW in particular, it appears that it was actually her idea. In hindsight I know this to be true as I remember on a few occasions him ringing me at work to check where I was and what time I would be home etc.
So here I was happily getting over everything even planning a few dates and now I am right back to square one. I hate and despise him and the final excuses that I was making for him ie, he was screwed up from his childhood, it was the alcohol, he didn't really mean it, he loves me deep down etc have now been swept away. He hated me didn't he? He really hated me, he told me all this with absolute glee and to do that to your pregnant wife in the first place? I was completely oblivious by the way, thought we were totally in love and happy, we were having sex often, so he endangered our baby as well.
So now I will not be going on any dates because I am right back where I was two years ago, with not one atom of trust for anyone in me. The hurt feels as fresh as it did years ago when I first found out but at least I hate his guts now so that makes it easier. Just don't know where to go now. Its hard to realise how much hate and lack of respect someone had for you, someone you loved so much. Someone who was doing this while all the time telling you they loved you and doing lovely coupley things with you at weekends etc, I do not know how to get over this, I don't think I ever will. I am scarred forever. I feel sick whenever I think about it. Don't really know what I am saying, just wanted to write it all down. THanks for reading.