Online Dating - The Meeting

[LickItUp]

I've been talking to a guy online for about 2 weeks. We seem to have "clicked" although obviously never met so that might just be wishful thinking but I do really like the sound of him. Anyway he now wants to meet up at the weekend for a drink. I'm sick with nerves!! I've build up this ridiculous image of him in my head as the perfect bloke and he is probably nothing like I imagine him to be! What if he takes one look at me and makes an excuse to leave?? oh the shame! He's a good looking bloke, very fit, popular - I'm Average Joan (in my head) and I'm so scared he will think I look nothing like my picture and make it obvious he can't wait to leave as it will knock my confidence for six.

Tell me about your initial "meetings" with online dates please!

Oh, you so don't want to hear mine.

Oh good lord

I may be some time...

Oh here's a quick one - Bloke I really fancied, came back to mine for coffee (really only coffee) after we had been to the cinema. Generally talking and I mentioned that I used to do dressmaking/repeairs etc. He immediately jumped up, went and got some trousers out of his car and asked me to fix them.

Just... no... no no NO

If he takes one look and wants to leave, then he has done you a favour! NEXT! Means he wasnt good enough for you ;)

I met my boyfriend online, though not through internet dating (did that for a month or so, but never found anyone I was interested enough in to bother meeting, fussy person that I am!). Been friends on FB for a year or so and met in september. I was pretty nervous, I remember posting on here for advice on what the hell to wear and downing a few drinks after work before going to meet him!

Try and look at it from a less serious point of view. You may not like him in the flesh or find him boring! You are not presenting yourself for approval, any more than he is. There will be plenty more out there if there is no spark :)

LOL take it easy. I went on quite a few dates "online", and my biggest experience was disappointment. I'm average, over 40 overweight, but it was me not wanting to see them again, rather than them not wanting to see me.

Until the last one;) and that was (still is) perfect:)

Manage your expectations, see it for what it is, and just enjoy the experience:)

Can you fix a time to talk on the phone first? That way you'll feel a bit more comfortable when you meet (plus it works very well as pre-date screening!)

I met my now DP after two weeks of emails, texts and a couple of phone calls. We spent a whole evening in a restaurant, then he travelled halfway home on the tube with me even though he lived in the opposite direction. We were instantly comfortable with each other and we both agree that we have met the person we want to spend the rest of our lives with (we are in our 40s, have 3 kids and 3 failed marriages between us).

I had made so many relationship cockups in the past that nothing less than respect and being on the same wavelength would do. I dated/met a dozen guys before him but it never took long to work out that they just weren't right for me.

Get down off that step now. I've had this over 50 times, it always feels right, you can't wait to meet, then when you do something is missing.

OUt of over 65 dates I only had the chemistry with them on sight twice.

Im laughing here, did this a squillion times.

1. have you seen quite a few photos
2. have you spoken on phone

In the end I opted to see them on cam, very good way to see what they actually look like (sort of-ish) but tell them that that's what it's for in your case coz I did have a few that thought they might like to show me their privates! but there again, that gets shot of the crap.

I had a few longish term relationships from the net. I'm also with one I met on Pof and still happily together 2 and a half years later.

I can totally understand the nerves but just pretend to be cool!

Good luck OP.

I was absolutely knocked off my feet. 100% lust at first sight.

I was horribly nervous and tipped a glass of coke over his lap, failed to make eye contact and basically came across as a lunatic. But it seemed he didn't mind getting damp by shifty eyed crazy women and we're now happily married.

You can actually get away with a lot of crazy shit when they really like you!

I can completely understand the excitement and nerves, but try to slow down.

My experience of online dating is that a few photos and e-mails tell you very very little about what sort of real life chemistry there may be between you. Photos are two dimensional, they tell you nothing about mannerisms, body language, facial expressions and all those other things that have a massive effect on how you respond to someone. Plus, people tend to put up photos that show them at their very best - its fair enough, we all do it.

Likewise with e-mails. People have time to think about what they're going to write. Time to think of the perfect witty rejoinder. Some folk give better e-mail than others.

The absolute only way to find out if there is any real attraction between you is to meet in person. And I'm afraid online dating often involves a degree of disappointment. Believe me I've been there, thinking some guy sounded and looked fantastic only to feel absolutely NOTHING when I met him. On the flip side I've had it the other way round too and have gone on dates feeling a bit meh, and they've turned out to be fab.

So relax and try to enjoy. Use confident body language and smile. Remember you're there to see if you like him.

Relax, he will probably be more nervous that you anyway. It's just a drink, wear something casual you feel fabulous in, and enjoy the moment.

You definitely do not want to hear my dating stories, suffice to say none of them have run off screaming.

Good luck. I wish you well. But I have not had good experience with online dating.

Hmmmm, I have had about 4 first meets (I cannot bear to call them dates) which have not been uh..shall we say..successful.

No. 1: Alan.

Emailed and seem to have a lot in common. Similar interests in books, art, etc. Have children of similar ages. Talked on the phone and he had a nice voice. Chatted easily. Decided to meet at my favourite cafe. His pix showed a reasonable looking man (I am not shallow; Looks are not that important as I was married to Ex (aka The Scrote) for 24 years!) and I thought okayyyy. Was supposed to be my age (49).

Reality
A VERY old man (at least 10 years older than age) and completely grey (pix showed brown hair). He was stooped. He had a purse; a zip up one when he went to get coffee. He had the most dreadful teeth; yellow and mangled. He had flaky peeling skin. He talked about photgraphing trains. Moving trains. Trains that were still. Trains that were empty. Trains that were full. The front of trains. The back of trains...He was very excited to meet me. I, however, was not so excited. He thought he stood a chance with me. He did not. Creep.

No. 2: Steve
Pix showed blond surfer who stated he was 6ft 1. Emailed, chatted on phone. Seemed nice. Went to favourite cafe (need to stop using it as will most probably have seedy reputation by now) and waited outside. Short grey man approaches me. I have my fuck orf face (get approached a lot) when he says Hello Dr FayRay. Yes it is he...the 6 ft 1 blond surfer. Judging by gut, has not been near surfboard for awhile. Did not end in meeting up again.

No. 3: Thomas

Again...sigh...pix showed interesting 'French' looking bloke. Emailed yada yada...Reality turned out to be Swiss Pastry chef who smelt of BO and unwashed clothes. Could not get away fast enough.

No. 4: Andrew
Seemed like a nice bloke, good fit body, interesting emails, chats etc. Reality: Did not look like pix AT ALL. At least 10 years older than stated age or pix. No chemistry at all...or anything really.

The thing is I use a recent photo of myself. The responses I got were oh..you look better than your pix, younger than age (yes yes, good skin, clean living, expensive skincare etc etc) and are so beautiful...said in wonderment...like I had been lying about my details like they all had been!!!

Sorry. Am a bit over it all and rather cross. So have given up on online dating.

I've had over 50 Internet dates. I can't even remember them all, I should have kept a diary. I only had one that totally shocked me. My profile clearly stated that I'm a dentist, I turned up on the date, he smiled at me and had no teeth. Who would go on a date with a dentist if they had no teeth!

Relax and try to have fun. Remember he will be nervous too. He might not be the one for you but use the experience as a confidence building exercise.

"Who would go on a date with a dentist if they had no teeth!"

Someone who wanted "mates' rates" for those expensive implants, I would think...

Ok I need some help on my online dating chap. We started talking in October and went for coffee/lunch about every 2-3 weeks before Xmas. At the time I thought he was a bit boring but think it was nerves. Finally we went out last Friday night to a gig/club. We had a fantastic time, he booked it, bought the tickets, picked me up and dropped me back. He was extremely protective and affectionate in the club which was lovely. We even had the relationship talk in the car coming home. But when we got home he just pecked me on the lips which he had done on our last meet. My question is am I just a mate, is he wanting to take it slowly or is he really not that into me ?
We texted into the nights all weekend and he wants to see me again. I know he is really private (he said) so is it that he is waiting for me to initiate anything or what ? I just dont know how to read this one and its frustrating because I really like him now?

Any suggestions ???

Sounds to me like he's just shy Pippa. If he wasn't interested he wouldn't text and his behaviour on the date sounds lovely. Do you know much about his past relationships?

Sounds to me like this one of the good guys. You said that you'd only gone for coffee/lunch previous and this was the first evening date.

I'd rather a peck on the lips than a tounge assault and grope any day of the week.